The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: My daughter-in-law is very opinionated. At times, we get along. But, in the past, she has upset me by accusing me of not doing the right thing. She and my son have two young children together and full custody of his son from another mother.
I complimented my grandson on looking after his little sister at her birthday party and was told that this wasn’t the case, as she was being bullied by the other girls while he stood by and watched. My grandson has been through a lot, and I got upset and said to my son, “Perhaps you need to consider the partners you choose!” Bear in mind, this was all done via text.
I have given help with my grandchildren whenever it was requested. My daughter in-law is now accusing me of preferring my grandson over her children, which is not the case. We now have a fractured relationship and can’t seem to resolve it. Please, can you help? — FRACTURED IN AUSTRALIA
DEAR FRACTURED: Your grandchildren all share the same father, regardless of who their mothers are. Your grandson could have handled the bullying problem better than he did, but he may not have known how to step in. (Or may not have felt he was strong enough to intervene.)
If you weren’t fully aware of what was going on, you couldn’t have known the compliment you gave the boy was unwarranted. HOWEVER, for you to have told your son what you did about his wife was insulting and unkind. Begin apologizing profusely to her AND your son for losing your temper and saying something so hurtful. If you do, it may begin to heal the breach.
DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 33 years. My husband is great and treats me well. We’ve had no problems. I recently got in contact with my first boyfriend from 40 years ago. We have been texting on a daily basis. We also talk on the phone and so on and so forth. All the feelings I had for him have resurfaced, which is not a good thing, since I’m married.
I have shed many tears over him (he is also married) and can’t stop thinking about him. Do I stay with the husband I have been with for 33 years or take a chance with the old boyfriend? He says he still loves me and has never forgotten about me. Would he divorce his wife to be with me? Probably. I’m torn between two lovers and feeling like a fool. Advice? — FACING A CHOICE IN THE EAST
DEAR FACING: Who reached out to whom first? If it was you, why did you open Pandora’s box looking for this man? And why have you continued these texts and phone calls “and so on and so forth”? I urge you to explore this before blowing up a marriage of 33 years with a husband who is great and treats you well. Would your first love marry you? Who knows? Would your husband ever forgive you? Maybe not. Please run this by a licensed therapist who can help you straighten out the strudel in your noodle.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
