The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: I’m 78, and my husband is 79. This past year, he lost $500,000 through a fraudulent bitcoin site. Fortunately, we have $500,000 left, but I’m so angry about this, you can’t imagine — all of my hard-earned savings, gone. I’ve had a lifelong dream to go to Italy to see all the amazing art and sculptures. I have scoliosis and suffer from chronic pain, but I don’t want this or the loss of money to stop me from finally going.
This summer, a niece on my husband’s side got married. She lives in New York, and we live in Nevada, and I didn’t want to go for several reasons. I sent $300 and declined. I’m not sure if that was enough money. Now, I feel conflicted about this while making the decision to finally see Italy. No matter what, no one will be OK with this decision, and I truly need help with letting go of anger and guilt so I can just enjoy it without angst. — WEIGHING THE OPTIONS
DEAR OPTIONS: It sounds like you are not particularly close to this niece. If you were, I would have advised against skipping the wedding. However, you already sent a generous gift and politely declined the invitation in a timely manner, which is more than many wedding invitees seem able to manage these days.
As far as I can tell, your conscience should be perfectly clear at this point. You don’t owe your husband or his family any more than you’ve already given, so this is the perfect time to keep planning that dream vacation. I hope you can use the trip to work out some of the resentment you’ve been holding. If you focus on your own fulfillment for a while, there’s a good chance you’ll feel less angry upon your return. Buon viaggio!
DEAR ABBY: After working for a large corporation for 40 years, my fiancee is now retired. She goes out with several retired men for a monthly breakfast. I think that their spouses should be included because she’s the only woman there. She has commented that they flirt with her. Out of respect for me, shouldn’t she stop going? — IFFY IN IOWA
DEAR IFFY: This has nothing to do with you. The only reason she should stop going is if she is made to feel uncomfortable. A group breakfast once a month isn’t a threat to your relationship. Calm down before you start appearing to be insecure and overbearing.
DEAR ABBY: I need help with the right thing to say to a certain member of our book club when I host. She’s a 50-year-old woman who, when she comes to my house, drapes her legs and feet all over the furniture. Isn’t that “at home” behavior? What would you say? — FUSSY ABOUT THE FURNITURE
DEAR FUSSY: I would take the woman aside and tell her privately that when I entertain guests in my home, I prefer they not drape their legs on my furniture and keep their feet on the floor.
