The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: A few years ago, I started receiving mysterious phone calls from a man claiming to have in his possession videos of me performing sexual acts. I do not know where he would have gotten something like that. I changed my phone number, but somehow he got my new number and started harassing me again.
After a while, the phone calls stopped, and I haven’t received one in years. Recently, I was sent a request on Facebook by a girl with no profile information who then sent me a message saying something about a video and accosting me with sexual language. I have since deleted all my social media accounts.
My question is: What if there is some video I have no knowledge of, and how do I handle it if someone decides to leak it? — SCARED AND EMBARRASSED
DEAR SCARED AND EMBARRASSED: What has been happening to you amounts to harassment and blackmail. That is why you should notify the police about what has been going on. I seriously doubt that there is a video. (The whole thing is probably a scam.)
If there is one and it is leaked, I recommend that you hold your head high and say to anyone who mentions it that yes, like most of the adult population in the world, you, too, have a sex life. At least then you will know who filmed it, and you can share that additional information with the authorities.
DEAR ABBY: I am 70. My sister is 68, and her husband is 80. He has kidney failure and needs 24/7 care. Our mother is 98. She lives independently in a condo and is mentally fully functional, but she can’t cook or do housekeeping anymore. (She has cleaning help.)
My sister and I take turns making Mom warm meals, and my sister also does some light housekeeping. It takes one to two hours. My sister does this three times a week while her husband is at dialysis at a nearby facility. She also has my mother’s medical and financial powers of attorney and prefers to be the one to take care of things.
I am in fairly good health but have some medical issues that may eventually make it difficult (or even impossible) to travel. This fall, I plan to go to Europe for three weeks. I would like to have someone come in to help my mom three times a week while I am gone. I would introduce this person ahead of time so that Mom could get to know them and I could show them what needs to be done.
Unfortunately, Mom doesn’t want anyone other than my sister and me to care for her. My sister’s plate is already more than full, so I don’t want to add to it. Is it unreasonable of me to expect my mother to accept outside help? — PERPLEXED IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR PERPLEXED: Your plan is not unreasonable, but it’s common for someone your mother’s age to resist change. Remind her that the clock is ticking on your travel opportunities, and emphasize that the arrangement is only temporary. Tell her you will call to check in while you’re away, and promise to bring back lots of photos and stories to share with her when you resume your normal caregiving routine.
