The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: I am a 63-year-old man. My fiancee (57) and I have been dating exclusively, or so I thought, for four years. I just found out she has a male friend she has been seeing without my knowledge. They go to lunch and dinner and other activities.
She says they are just friends. He is her attorney, and he wants a romantic relationship. She lied by omission, and now my trust is damaged. I’m worried about her dishonesty and the viability of our relationship. She thinks it’s not a big deal. Your thoughts? — SIMMERING SUSPICION IN FLORIDA
DEAR SIMMERING SUSPICION: A woman who is engaged has no business spending time alone with another man who has expressed a romantic interest in her. This is a big deal, made bigger by her attempts to hide it and downplay it. Warning: If you go through with this wedding, there’s a good chance you’ll need to start seeing a lawyer of your own.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 34 years. Ten years ago, my husband had to take custody of his then 56-year-old brother, “Clay,” because back in 1987 he fried his brain on PCP. For a decade, our life has been a daily living hell.
Clay has frightened off one of our cats. He lies, steals from us, can’t and won’t clean up after himself and doesn’t wash his hands. He is the most disgusting person I have ever met. He’s spoiled rotten and lazy and expects the only woman in the home to do everything. This is an ingrained behavior that he has had for years.
I want a divorce. My husband will not put Clay into an assisted living facility or a mental institution. I love my husband, but I refuse to be disrespected by anyone. I told him I wouldn’t ever allow any member of my family to disrespect him the way I, our marriage and our home have been disrespected by his brother. Abby, would you divorce your husband for subjecting you to this daily living hell for 10 years? — DONE IN MONTANA
DEAR DONE: I certainly wouldn’t have put up with your mess of a brother-in-law for an entire decade! Still, if you are considering divorce, you must mention that to your husband. Offer him a final opportunity to make other arrangements for his brother. Be clear that if he continues to value Clay’s comfort over yours, the marriage is over.
DEAR ABBY: I am a boy in South Korea who likes boys. When I was in middle school, I loved girls just like everyone else, but it changed after entering high school. When I see boys in school now, I have started to feel the charm of them. These days, I’m scared that if I reveal it, I’ll be mocked by my friends and others. What should I do? — NOT STRAIGHT IN SEOUL, S. KOREA
DEAR NOT STRAIGHT: If you don’t feel comfortable or safe coming out to your friends, it’s OK to wait. All of this gets a bit easier after you graduate, especially if you are able to attend a university. For now, focus on your studies so you can make that happen. To find gay or gay-friendly people to talk to outside your school, look up an organization called Dding Dong at ddingdong.kr.
