The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: In the four years my husband and I have been married, his distaste for the LGBTQ community has grown into a passion. He calls it immoral and unnatural. I’ve never tried to change his opinion, but because I don’t enthusiastically agree with him, he is convinced I’m going to hell. He uses nearly every conversation as an opportunity to share his feelings on this issue. Any response I volunteer goes unheard.
Shortly after our wedding, my father revealed he is gay. Thankfully, my husband can be kind to him while disapproving of his sexuality. I’m not sure Dad knows the extent of my husband’s negative feelings. (They live in different states, so they rarely see each other.)
My problem is, my father recently became engaged to his partner, and I’m not sure how to tell my husband. I’m not asking him to agree with my dad’s life, but I don’t want him to steal my joy over this event or make me feel guilty for going to their wedding. I will certainly be going alone. Advice, Abby? — ALLY IN MICHIGAN
DEAR ALLY: Yes, I do have some. However, it is more far-reaching than you may expect. That your husband discounts or “doesn’t hear” what you need to communicate to him does not bode well for the future of your marriage. Your father’s sexual orientation may be abhorrent to your husband, but it is not “unnatural.” If you wish to attend your father’s wedding, do it, and do not feel guilty for supporting him at this important time. You are not going to hell for loving and accepting your father — quite the opposite, in fact.
DEAR ABBY: We have been friends with a couple for many, many years. Unfortunately, someone took some items out of their house. Our long friendship is now over because they think we stole from them. Although they have gotten over it, we cannot. They say it’s “in the past” and it’s time to move on. They can’t understand that we feel so insulted that we no longer want to remain friends with them. They never offered an apology, which makes us feel they still doubt us. Are we oversensitive? — INNOCENT IN NEW HAMPSHIRE
DEAR INNOCENT: No, you are not. In light of the fact that you never received an apology for the wrongful accusation, it makes sense that you not put yourselves in the position of being accused again.
DEAR ABBY: My stepdaughter-in-law and I had words several months ago. Within a few days, I received an apology, and I apologized to her for my response. Since then, she has blocked me and told a mutual friend she won’t be coming to family gatherings, which she rarely attended anyway.
We recently attended the funeral of a close family friend. She came, but I noticed she seemed unusually quiet and uncomfortable. She barely spoke unless spoken to but did hug me goodbye. Should I ask her why she blocked me or let it go? — CONFOUNDED IN TEXAS
DEAR CONFOUNDED: Your stepdaughter-in-law is starting to thaw. If I were you, I would let sleeping dogs lie.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
