The Shadow
WIFE SHOCKED BY HUSBAND’S EXTRACURRICULAR ACTIVITY
DEAR ABBY: I have been married 31 years. I recently found out my husband belongs to a singles group. The group meets once a week, and my husband never misses a meeting. I went with him to their most recent one and realized it was made up of mostly WOMEN. My husband knew all of them, particularly one named “Lauren,” who he said he found interesting. I suspect that he is too interested in her.
Our marriage isn’t great. Sex is infrequent because he has ED and does nothing about it. He’s obsessed with his weight and works out four times a week. He’s not a good communicator and has become secretive. I’m worried that he may have something going on with Lauren and I’m very anxious about it. I don’t know what to do. Please advise. We have gone to marriage counseling but it didn’t help. — SURPRISED, BUT NOT SURPRISED
DEAR SURPRISED: That a married man would join a singles group is galling. The purpose of singles groups is for ELIGIBLE individuals to meet each other. That this was hidden from you until recently isn’t a good sign, but consider yourself lucky you were able to attend that meeting.
Contact your physician and ask to be screened for STDs in case your husband has “discovered” Viagra since joining the singles group. Because he isn’t using an erection enhancer with you doesn’t mean he may not have been using it with someone else — Lauren, for instance.
Protect yourself and your financial interests. Consult an attorney and a CPA to establish what and where the marital assets are, and what you are entitled to in case of a divorce. The CPA can help with that if it becomes necessary. Then ask your husband what he expects from socializing with single women and whether he wants to stay married. You have my sympathy.
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DEAR ABBY: I’ve been dating “Karl” a little over a year. Our relationship has been on and off because I haven’t been happy with him. Every time we break up, Karl seems to have a way of pulling me right back in.
I’m divorced; he’s legally separated. He works about 18 hours a day at two jobs, and I get to see him only one day a week. Karl’s kids want nothing to do with me, or with him, for that matter. Now for the fourth time, and against my better judgment, I’ve given him another chance. Guess what? I am right back where we were before.
What’s wrong with me? Karl is not a bad guy. He would bend over backward for me. The problem is I am not IN love with him. I feel like I’m stuck in a dead-end relationship. How do I break up with him? It’s hard to talk to him about anything because he’s always at work. — SAME OLD, SAME OLD
DEAR SAME: End the relationship by telling Karl you are not in love with him, you plan to date others and you don’t want to see him again. It shouldn’t come as a shock, in light of the fact that you have broken things off several times before. If he wants to see you after that, refuse and stick to it. Because his feelings for you are not reciprocated, it is kinder than stringing him along.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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Good advice for everyone — teens to seniors — is in “The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It.” To order, send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)
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