The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: I’m going through a divorce and have decided not to begin dating until it’s final. I’m doing this because I wouldn’t be comfortable dating someone who is still married. I told myself I would politely explain this to any gentleman who asks me out, but no one has — and I’m a little bothered by it. No one approaches me at all. I don’t wear my ring and I consider myself to be a very attractive person.
I have had several boyfriends throughout my life, and looking back at them and my marriage, I realize that I was the first to show an interest and ask them out. I’d like it if a guy approached me and made the first move. I’m worried that when I’m ready to date it won’t happen. I understand that approaching a stranger is a little unnerving, but I’m beginning to take it personally.
Please don’t suggest going to activities outside the home to meet people. I work and go to school full-time, so that’s not an option anytime soon. — LOOKING FOR A DATE –IN THE FUTURE
DEAR LOOKING (BUT NOT LOOKING): If you’re asking me how to get a man to ask you out so you can tell him, “No, I’m not ready,” I’m sorry but I can’t help you. I don’t know the circumstances of your divorce, but if they were hurtful, it is not uncommon for the injured party to “become invisible” until he or she heals enough to once again send out “available and interested” vibes. You say you’re not quite there yet, which may be why you’re not attracting any interest.
While your schedule is so full — unless you meet someone at school or through your job — your love life may have to stay on hold until you can squeeze it in.
DEAR ABBY: I have a friend who routinely makes offhand, sarcastic remarks to me. He recently told me my story wasn’t worth listening to, which makes me wonder if he’s insecure or just doesn’t care for my company. I feel devalued and I’m beginning to be weary of his “zingers.” Sometimes I’d rather not be in his company, but my wife and I have no problem with his wife. Any suggestions? — SICK OF THE ZINGERS IN MILWAUKEE
DEAR SICK OF THE ZINGERS: This “friend” may think he’s being clever, or he may be utterly tactless. If you’d rather not be around him, follow your instincts and avoid him. His wife and yours can continue their friendship, and if the woman asks why there are no more foursomes, she should be told the truth. Once they see their social circle is shrinking, he may change his ways. And if he doesn’t, you will no longer have to tolerate his rudeness.
DEAR ABBY: I was dating this guy for 5 1/2 years. It was a struggle because of all the problems I suffered through in my previous relationships. He assured me that he wasn’t like the rest. I believed that we were getting back on track, slowly.
A few days ago, I received a letter in the mail from a woman telling me they had gotten married. Enclosed was a wedding picture of the two of them. The date of the wedding was on the back of the picture. I was shocked to see that the wedding had taken place while we were together. What should I do? — HURTING HEART IN OHIO
DEAR HURTING HEART: Send her a thank-you letter, tell her you won’t be seeing her husband again in this life and write him off. And one more thing: Be grateful she clued you in, because if she hadn’t, you could still be wasting time with this two-timing liar.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
