The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: I was sexually assaulted at work about 20 years ago. I went through an off-and-on cycle with that supervisor for almost a year. He used many different tactics: isolating me, befriending me, apologizing insincerely, stating that he was a pillar of the community and no one would believe it, and even telling me I hadn’t meant it when I said no. At the same time, my then-husband started drinking and also became abusive toward me.
I left the job a year later after another incident occurred and the company swept it under the rug. Here I am, more than 20 years later, still dealing with the aftermath of that time period. I moved to another state for 18 years and thought it was all behind me. I moved back to my hometown last year, and I fell apart all over again. The triggers were intense at times. As a result, my current husband and I are moving to another state.
I hate that my life and my kids’ lives were destroyed, and once again, I am leaving. I can’t fix anything or change the truth, and I have to live with the fallout every day! I had a good family before it all happened. I stood up to my boss for a long time until I got to the point where I just didn’t care anymore. No one should ever have to go through something like that. I am going to get a special form of PTSD therapy after I move, but I will never be the same. If you have any ideas, please let me know. — DAMAGED IN THE EAST
DEAR DAMAGED: I agree that no one should ever have to go through that. Your story is an important reminder that workplace sexual assault is an ongoing problem. I’m glad you plan to get the help you need. Your therapist is much better equipped to help you at this point than I am.
Readers, if you are ever sexually assaulted in the workplace, secure as much evidence as you can and go straight to the police. Do not start the process by going to the higher-ups in the company or the human resources department. Every one of those people will prioritize protecting the company over seeking justice for you. Consult a lawyer specializing in sexual abuse who can advise you on when and how to make your report to HR.
RAINN (rainn.org) — the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network — operates a national hotline at 1-800-656-4673. Please call them if you ever have any questions about sexual assault of any kind.
DEAR ABBY: We have a number of cats in our household, and my son-in-law lives downstairs with his wife. He knows we love cats, and he sends me “funny” pictures of cats via text message two or three times a day. How do I tell him to stop doing this without hurting his feelings? — ‘FELINE’ IT’S TOO MUCH
DEAR ‘FELINE’: Because your son-in-law’s messages interrupt your routine, ask him to please save them and send them en masse once a week at a time when you can enjoy them.
