The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: My husband, “Dirk,” cheated on me more than 20 years ago. He has kept in touch with the woman since then. Sixteen months ago, she told him she was “in a bad place.” He offered to let this (married) woman move in with us and didn’t tell me until two weeks before she got here.
Abby, this woman lives like a pig. Her room is filthy, and she has broken several things in my house without paying for anything. Before she moved here, Dirk wanted to get her teeth fixed. I ended up paying for it with my credit card. She promised she was going to pay me back, but she has given me exactly $510 of the $5,000 that she owes me. She has a job, so there’s no reason why she is not giving me the money.
I’m not worried about Dirk cheating with her again, as she has not maintained her looks or figure over the years. Still, how much more of this should I take? I asked her to leave once, but he got her to come back. He will not go to marriage counseling as he doesn’t think we need it. When I ask him why he keeps her around, he tells me he enjoys her company. Do you think I should contact a lawyer and start divorce proceedings or let this go? — LOSING MY MIND IN TEXAS
DEAR LOSING MY MIND: My dear, you should have left long ago. Call a lawyer immediately. However, since this woman is not a physical threat, resist the urge to move out until you have your attorney’s approval. Abandoning your home may harm your case in the divorce proceedings.
DEAR ABBY: I became close with an attractive, younger co-worker last year. Realizing I was starting to get a crush, I told her I needed to stay away because of my feelings and, being married, couldn’t risk losing my family. She went through a hard time during our breakup, but we started getting close again. The breakup led her to do something she regrets so much it has affected her work. It has alienated pretty much everyone she knows except for me. I have encouraged her to seek professional help because her emotional state is very draining. I also feel I have reached a point where I no longer want to be around it, but I don’t know how to tell her without feeling guilty for turning my back on her when she’s begging for help. She’s in such a depression; she’s killing herself slowly. What should I do? — REMOVING MYSELF IN THE EAST
DEAR REMOVING: What you should do is reiterate to her firmly, but as kindly as you can, that she needs to get professional help for her depression. If she balks, explain that, because of her emotional state, she has alienated friends and co-workers and that you are not equipped to give her the support she needs. Then learn from this experience and back away.
