The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: My sister is involved with a wealthy man who is 20 years older. Their affair (they are both married) is now on year six as far as I know. My sister’s husband is in poor health. Abby, she told him about the affair. They decided to sell their house and stop living together. Yes, they are still legally married.
The wealthy man insists he loves my sister, but he won’t leave his wife to be with her. My sister says he loves his wife too much to divorce. Is this man playing my sister? She’s been through a lot. I’m thinking of contacting his wife (who is also in poor health) and telling her about the affair. Is this a good move on my part? — CARING BROTHER IN THE WEST
DEAR BROTHER: The very best move you could make would be to refrain from interfering on your sister’s behalf. Her lover has made it plain that he will remain with his fragile wife until death do they part. As well-intentioned as you may be, if you do what you are contemplating, you will only cause pain to everyone involved.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 68-year-old man who was raised to be polite to strangers. I work once a week in a small shop. One day, two women came in to look around. As they were leaving, I said, “Ladies, have a nice day.” Well! They bit my head off for calling them “ladies”! They may have been trans (I don’t think so) — but they presented themselves as women.
What was wrong about calling them ladies? Even the shop owner thought they were out of line. If people are going to be offended by everything someone innocently says to them — then they’d better start tattooing their preferred pronouns on their foreheads. What do you think of this situation? — CAUGHT OFF GUARD
DEAR CAUGHT: When the customers became angry, what you should have done was asked, “Excuse me. How have I offended you?” I don’t think “trans” had anything to do with what happened. If the women were under 40, they may have felt that being called “ladies” somehow aged them — or they were having a bad day and took it out on you.
DEAR ABBY: In this age of handheld technology, whenever I attempt to carry on a conversation with one of my grandchildren, is it impolite for me to ask them to please look up at their grandmother so we are eye to eye, or must we always converse with eyes not meeting?
I love them dearly, but they answer my questions and carry on conversations without looking up, and then my feelings are hurt. However, I will deal with it if you say this is better than nothing. — CAN’T CATCH THEIR EYES
DEAR CAN’T CATCH: Although they may not know any better, it is your grandchildren who are being impolite. It would not be wrong for you to tell them it hurts your feelings when they fail to make eye contact. In fact, you would be doing them a favor. Growing up with stronger social skills than their peers may give them an advantage in life.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
