The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I discussed our 25th anniversary and mentioned Hawaii as a possibility. He reached out to his brother and sister-in-law for suggestions, since they have visited Hawaii twice and we never have.
My husband mentioned to my sister-in-law (without consulting me) that maybe the four of us should travel together to Hawaii. Now my in-laws want to travel with us! My husband is enthusiastic because it will lower the cost. I am very hurt that I wasn’t even consulted. I didn’t know until I overheard them talking about splitting costs on the Hawaii trip.
Abby, I was not planning a 25th anniversary as a foursome. My husband is calling me a “sourpuss” for not jumping on board with the plan. In my mind, it’s supposed to be an anniversary, not a couples retreat. Am I wrong? — CROWDED IN THE SOUTH
DEAR CROWDED: You are not in the wrong. That your husband and in-laws would alter the plans for your 25th anniversary without consulting you is disrespectful. You should have been consulted. That he has now resorted to name-calling because you are upset is out of line.
If you feel you won’t be happy celebrating this milestone with them, tell your sister-in-law this was sprung on you with no preparation, which you feel was wrong, and you are not happy about it. Then decide which YOU would prefer — to travel to Hawaii as a group anyway or to just stay home.
DEAR ABBY: My father is an antiques collector. He spends every weekend at estate auctions and much of the rest of his time buying for shops. He is experienced and prides himself in knowing the value of things.
For my birthday, Dad gave me an old copy of a favorite book. He said it was a first edition and worth a lot despite its poor condition. The title page, where the publishing date and run would appear, was missing. The issue is that it ISN’T a first (or even a second) edition. It has the wrong cover and is actually a later run that just had a rough life. I know Dad knew this. The information is easy to find, and I’m pretty sure he cut out the title page so he could pass it off as what he said it was.
I don’t know why he did this — there could be any number of reasons — but he keeps bragging about what great a gift it was. Should I say something the next time he brings it up? Having the lie hanging out there feels uncomfortable. — WONDERING IN THE EAST
DEAR WONDERING: Be kind. Just thank your father again and resist the urge to tell him you know he is fibbing. If you suspected he had been taken advantage of by a bookseller, I might have answered differently and suggest you warn him about doing business with someone who is unscrupulous. However, because you stated that he’s experienced, I hesitate to advise you to put him on the spot.
DEAR READERS: It’s Halloween, a time for fun and fantasy! I hope that any celebrating you do tonight will be creative, fun AND SAFE for everyone involved. Happy Halloweeeeen! — LOVE, ABBY
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
