The Shadow
HARDWORKING WIFE FINALLY READY TO HIT THE BRICKS
DEAR ABBY: I have been married to “Arthur” for 50 years. There have been many problems in our marriage, and we even separated a couple times. I had kids to raise and never enough money to break it off completely. Over the last 13 years, my husband has been so-called “unable to work” and on disability. I have worked to keep us afloat, while he eats and sleeps and has gained 100 pounds.
My mother passed away this year, and I will inherit money after my siblings and I sell her house. Would it be ridiculous for me to move out and get my own apartment? I am very unhappy living with Arthur, and he can make it on his own Social Security, which I helped him to maximize. — REALLY NEEDS A CHANGE
DEAR REALLY NEEDS: The question you are asking is a legal one. Laws vary depending upon where you live. Before making any changes, you need to discuss this with an attorney to determine what the financial implications are for you if you should divorce Arthur. Do it NOW, before your mother’s estate is settled.
DEAR ABBY: My daughter and her husband have created online family albums. My son-in-law takes most of the pictures. When we visit, he rarely takes any pictures of our side of the family, but he always takes pictures of his own family. My daughter doesn’t seem to care or notice that we are absent from the albums.
I’m afraid that in years to come, our grandchildren will look at those albums and think we weren’t there. The other grandparents once said that the grandkids always talk about us, and I got the impression they felt threatened. I know they shared it with their son. We are hurt. — THE BIG PICTURE IN THE EAST
DEAR BIG PICTURE: Your fear of being “erased by omission” may be valid. Because you mentioned that your daughter doesn’t notice, talk privately with her and tell her that you and her father are hurt because of the discrepancy. Unless you do, the situation won’t change. While you’re at it, ask if you can upload your own photos to the albums. And continue making non-photo memories with your grandchildren, as you have been doing.
DEAR ABBY: I recently purchased some eyeglasses that my wife totally hates. The frames are round and somewhat retro in style. I have received compliments on them from friends and co-workers. The rub is, my wife has told me she doesn’t want me wearing them, and that by wearing them I’m disrespecting her, disregarding her feelings and, by extension, not caring about her.
I am feeling very controlled not being able to wear the glasses I like. I love her, but I think I’m “old enough” to make my own personal choices. By the way, I never tell her what she may or may not wear, as I feel that is her personal choice as well. Am I wrong to wear them? — SEEING RED IN WASHINGTON
DEAR SEEING RED: No, you are not “wrong.” Your wife is wrong to equate your choice in eyewear with your regard for her. From where I sit, it looks like an attempt to fight dirty. Don’t fall for it.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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