The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: My two youngest children have special needs. Both have the mentality of a 7- or 8-year-old. Today, my daughter (13) told the school counselor that her brother (15) has been touching her inappropriately. I feel like I’m reliving a nightmare. Six years ago, my oldest son touched her. He was charged and tried as an adult.
My daughter is now staying with my mother-in-law until both kids can get counseling. I don’t know what to do or how to act. I don’t even know why I’m writing you. I guess I just need to get it off my chest. How do I survive this a second time? — HEARTBROKEN IN MISSOURI
DEAR HEARTBROKEN: Please accept my sympathy. You were smart to get your daughter out of the house to a place that is safe and where she is loved. This is a heavy load for any parent to carry, and because you have made no mention of a spouse, I assume you are doing it alone. You said your children will be getting counseling, and I think it would be a good idea for you to get some for yourself as well until you regain your balance.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have three kids, ages 2 to 7. Most of his siblings’ kids are old enough to look after themselves. My sisters-in-law love ladies’ day getaways and brag about the “family togetherness” they maintain.
While I enjoy occasional outings, I’m less outgoing, and my batteries recharge at home. Sometimes, these events are more of a drain physically and emotionally than they are worth to me, not to mention that the destination is rarely of any interest to me. So far, I’ve obliged just to keep them happy, at my own and my family’s expense.
My problem is that they’ve started doing these once a month. The next destination is over three hours away, meaning I’d have to get my kids up at 5 a.m., get a babysitter and make arrangements for their separate school transportation. When I cram my schedule so full, I end up tired, stressed and sometimes sick.
I love my in-laws, and they say my presence is important to them. I’ve already said no to this outing, but I’m still being pressured. My husband supports my decision either way. Taking off work is not an option for him.
Am I just being selfish if I don’t go? Their happiness depends on my choice. — INDIANA IN-LAW
DEAR IN-LAW: Their happiness does not depend on your choice. If it did, they would be more considerate of your situation when setting up these excursions. If they continue to pressure you, tell them all the reasons why it’s so burdensome for you to join them. As moms with slightly older kids, they should understand where you’re coming from, and they may even have some ideas to help make it less of a hassle. Of course, if you simply don’t want to go, all you can do is keep saying no until they get the message.
