The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: I’m a senior woman who has been dating someone for three years. He is my age. I recently learned he has been cheating on me with a much younger woman with three kids. We are sexually active and enjoy each other very much, or at least I thought so. She knows about me.
Although he treats me well, I have found evidence that he’s having sex with her intermittently. I have never cheated on him, and I dislike cheaters. He wants to marry me, but I told him when we first met I didn’t want to remarry or live with anyone because I’ve been married twice, and so has he. I really care about this man, and I thought he loved me, but I don’t think I can be with a cheater. Should I confront him or leave it alone? I know I’d miss him dearly, as we do everything together. I also don’t want to be alone at this time of my life. Please advise what I should do. — MONOGAMOUS IN LOS ANGELES
DEAR MONOGAMOUS: You state that you told this man you do not want to remarry or live with him. You have a great relationship, but not once in your letter did you say that you love him. I see no reason why you shouldn’t continue enjoying his companionship. Because the cheating bothers you, consider ending the sex and putting him in the friend zone. If you don’t, be sure to get tested for sexually transmitted infections regularly.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 60-year-old male. In my first marriage, my ex had an affair, and during the last seven years of that marriage, we lived essentially separate lives. It was a lonely time for me. I have since remarried, and my new wife has a large family, including two sets of parents, four kids and 10 grandkids. My family is significantly smaller, with two kids and no grandkids.
The issue is that my love language is one-on-one quality time. I have asked my wife to set aside some time for us with no family interruptions. I have suggested date nights (a four-hour time slot two nights or afternoons a month) where we would not take calls or texts from family members. She has struggled to commit to this and instead told me I should “just let life happen.” She has trouble turning her phone off and said I should trust her to make judgments about whether to take a call or text. I would like to know if my request is unreasonable and how else uninterrupted quality time can be achieved. — MISSOURI HIKER
DEAR HIKER: You will never pry that phone out of your wife’s hand. She has clearly shown you that her extended family is her top priority, so stop trying to take that away from her. On date nights, choose activities that will keep her busy and engaged. Keep the conversation flowing, and demonstrate that your full attention is on her. Most importantly, it is OK to insist on a “phones off” rule when things become intimate.
