The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have scheduled a long road trip with another couple. All four of us are retired with a zest to explore. We share common interests, enjoy each other’s company and intend to share the driving. The catch is, we recently experienced the erratic driving of the other gentleman, and my wife is understandably unwilling to be in the car with him behind the wheel.
Normally an easy-going, good-natured guy, he becomes a different person behind the wheel. His race-and-brake conduct, darting in and out of traffic, setting the cruise control at 15 to 20 miles per hour over the limit with a cellphone in hand creates a white-knuckle experience for the rest of us, his wife included. While there’s no road rage, it’s as though beating the navigation’s ETA is a personal competition.
Needless to say, his “gun and go” tactics take the joy out of what should be a leisurely road trip. Moreover, these antics compromise our safety and cause abnormal wear and tear on a vehicle. For the upcoming trip, we are using my vehicle.
How do we broach our concern without compromising our friendship? Absent a mutual understanding leading to a change in his driving behavior with us in the car, we will likely cancel our trip. — WHITE-KNUCKLED IN FLORIDA
DEAR WHITE-KNUCKLED: Your friend is a dangerous driver. If you approach him about his irresponsible behavior while he’s in the driver’s seat, he will be offended. (Trust me.) If the four of you go and he isn’t allowed to drive, he will wind up sulking in the back seat. (Trust me on that, too.) Your best solution, if you want to maintain a friendship with this couple, would be to cancel the trip. Travel together another time, but do it using another mode of transportation.
DEAR ABBY: My 15-year-old granddaughter comes from a family of high achievers. She has a mental illness and has been in therapy since age 5. Medication has been declined. She has separated from a peer group of high-achieving girls and moved toward a new group of less academic students. She also has quit participating in all outside activities except an afternoon part-time job because she wants to save for a car.
Nothing seems to excite her except work, and she’s satisfied with mediocre grades, though she says she has high ambitions. She tells me she’s happy the way she is. Something seems very wrong to me, and I worry for her future. Any advice? — PERPLEXED GRANDPOP IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR GRANDPOP: It’s possible your granddaughter needs to change therapists. It’s also possible that her parents have chosen not to push her in an academic direction she may not be suited for. From what you have written, she is not entirely unmotivated. She wants a car and is willing to work for it. Good for her! Because I’m not familiar with the family dynamic, this is something that should be part of an ongoing discussion with her parents.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
