The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: I am 54 and already facing ageism. Some of my neighbors who are in their 30s and 40s make ageist statements aimed at me. These people do not know me but happen to live in my building. One time, I was wearing a brand-new purple winter coat I loved. It was a gift from a close friend. A woman complimented me on my coat, followed by, “I didn’t know you could wear something like that at your age.” I was offended but remained silent and didn’t react emotionally.
The next incident occurred in front of a group of people in the elevator. I was going down with my new mountain bike ready to take it for a spin when a young couple got on. The man said, “Nice bike! I didn’t know people your age could still ride mountain bikes.” His girlfriend covered her mouth with her hand, and everyone collapsed into laughter. Again, I chose not to react.
Abby, it’s getting to the point where I just pop on headphones and focus on my music when I’m in the elevator or common areas of my building. Are there any good comebacks to these ageist barbs? I haven’t reacted because my dignity is important to my personal growth and well-being. Is it best to remain silent? What do you suggest? — GROWING OLD GRACEFULLY
DEAR GROWING OLD: At 54, you aren’t over the hill. I see people in their 70s and 80s who are active, vital and attractive. You aren’t going to teach classless younger people any lessons, so keep your reaction good-humored. When it happens again, and it may, smile and tell the “youngster” you hope they are lucky enough to (do this, wear this, etc.) when they reach your age. Then keep on walking (or biking) and don’t look back.
DEAR ABBY: I have a neighbor who lets his young son ride his small but still fast motorcycle up and down our street without a helmet. The boy appears to be around 8 years old. The father is also a rider, and I’m surprised he allows this. Every time I see it, I feel angry at the parent and terrified for the kid. I’m on the verge of calling child protective services. Isn’t this against the law? What should I do as a responsible adult? — TERRIFIED NEIGHBOR
DEAR TERRIFIED: Have you spoken to the boy’s father about your concerns, which are valid, and been ignored? In most states, helmets are mandatory for minors. (Only 13 states do not require that they be worn.) Go online and check whether your state requires helmets. If it does, and the father is resistant, contact child protective services.
While this may seem extreme, as I read your letter, I was reminded of a conversation I once had with the director of an organ donation organization. In the course of our conversation, I wondered aloud who the “ideal” organ donor might be. His response floored me. He said, “A 19-year-old man on a motorcycle.” In that vein, I am sure organs from a younger child would be just as welcome, if not more.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
