The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: My wife is the love of my life. She is, and always has been, my dream girl. We used to have sex three or four times a week, but since her hysterectomy, she no longer desires sex. She’s OK with scheduling sex on a certain date, but most of the time she doesn’t follow through because she doesn’t think about it, and I feel unwanted and undesired. Other than this issue, she is the woman for me. She makes me happy. She is very supportive and makes sure I’m taken care of in every other way.
I am a sexual person. My past relationships were all passionate, and I feel more like a man after a good romp. Am I thinking too much about this? She’s perfect in every way except for her lack of sex drive. I have never cheated on her, and I am not considering divorce, so what can I do? — DEPRIVED IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR DEPRIVED: Talk with your wife and tell her everything you have written to me. It may be time for the two of you to schedule a consultation with her gynecologist to discuss this. People’s sex drives are hormone driven, and there may be a medical remedy for this problem. However, if there isn’t, it might be helpful for your wife to put a RECURRING reminder on her calendar about scheduling sex with you.
DEAR ABBY: I enjoy hosting small dinner parties and like to keep the size of the group to 12, which fits comfortably around our dining room table. If we move furniture, we can add extra tables and chairs, but as we get older, hosting a bigger group has become more difficult.
During holidays, because we don’t have family in town, we like to invite others who are in a similar situation to join us, but we have more friends than will fit around our table. I have tried varying the group each year, but then people’s feelings are hurt if they’re not included the next year. Should we celebrate holidays on our own to avoid hurting anyone? — HAPPY HOSTESS IN OHIO
DEAR HOSTESS: You are fortunate to have so many friends. As hosts, you and your husband have the privilege of inviting anyone you wish to your holiday dinners. For someone to assume that, because they have been invited one year, they are entitled to celebrate with you in perpetuity is presumptuous.
If anyone indicates their feelings are hurt at not being invited annually, feel free to explain (as you have to me) that you are glad they enjoy your hospitality, but you need to include other friends as well. It’s the truth. It’s not insulting.
P.S. If you would like to do something different during the holidays, feel free to do so. Some folks give themselves a vacation at that time by getting out of Dodge.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
