The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are blessed with a 6-month-old son, “Tyler.” I’m now back at work three days a week. My mother and my mother-in-law offered to watch him one day a week, which we were grateful for. (I found a babysitter for the third day.)
I give my mom and my MIL gift cards to their favorite restaurants because each is giving up a day per week for us. My mom is very active and quite a bit younger than my MIL. Mom stays home with Tyler on the day she watches him (no errands, etc.).
I asked my MIL if, on the day she watches Tyler, she can also stay home and not drive around to the library, grocery store and retail stores. I explained it interrupts the baby’s nap schedule, and, because she isn’t as physically in shape as my mom, it worries me how she’s wrangling the car seat, stroller, etc. She promised she’d just stay home and care for him and play with him.
Well, Abby, she completely ignored me. I came to pick him up, and she was not even home. I was furious because this isn’t the only time I have caught her running all over town with my infant. My husband also has asked her to stay put for one day out of the week. The last time I picked up Tyler, I said, “If you can’t stay home, we need to change this arrangement.” Now my husband’s side of the family is upset with me and thinks I was too harsh. What do you think? — NEW MOM IN MISSOURI
DEAR MOM: I think that because your mother-in-law ignores your instructions about not taking your baby with her while running errands, that you need to find someone else to take care of him on the days she used to do it. This is not being “too harsh,” it is protecting your little one. (No one said motherhood is easy.)
DEAR ABBY: I have a friend who is an accomplished cook. I am not. She’s very generous and shares her efforts often, but anytime I have given her some of my better efforts, she has given me feedback like, “Adding some onion would really help this” or “Wow, you didn’t skimp on the chili powder!”
I finally decided to reciprocate by inviting her to lunches out. Now it’s, “This sauce tastes like it came out of a bottle, mine is much better” or “I tweaked my sister’s recipe for this dish; I should give it to the chef.” Frankly, I’m tired of her estimation of her talents. I never killed anybody with my cooking, and her remarks when we’re at a restaurant diminish my enjoyment. Any nice way to get her to simmer down? — OUTDONE IN TEXAS
DEAR OUTDONE: I wonder if your friend’s culinary talents are her only claim to fame. When she is critical of the food at the restaurants to which you take her, SMILE and say quietly, “Picky aren’t we today? I think this is delicious!” It would be better than saying nothing and having a bad taste in your mouth.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
