The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: My 40-year-old daughter is on weight-loss injections and a no-sugar diet. I offered to bake her a sugar-free cheesecake, and she agreed, but she asked me to make a “tester” cake three days before. I explained that the cake has a lengthy preparation process, involving a very slow bake in a water bath and 12 hours chill time. I suggested she wait, but she insisted, so I made it early. She cut a slice of it and exclaimed how great it tasted.
Three days later, I baked and decorated a carrot cake to use as her “official” birthday cake, since the sugar-free cake had been cut and wouldn’t look nice in photos. (Carrot is her children’s favorite.) I hosted everyone at an expensive restaurant, gave her French perfume and a weekend getaway.
When we returned from the dinner, my daughter angrily said, “Get in here so we can cut this stupid cake, which I can’t eat!” I was shocked and confused. She said I shouldn’t have made a cake of a flavor she dislikes, but I pointed out that she had the sugar-free cake, too. Apparently, she had expected me to bake a second sugar-free cheesecake. I chewed her out for being ungrateful. Was I wrong? — UNAPPRECIATED IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR UNAPPRECIATED: I was under the impression that shots for weight loss curbed one’s appetite for sweets (and alcoholic beverages as well). Your daughter appears to have an insatiable sweet tooth, sugar-free or not. What she was angling for was two cheesecakes rather than one. Her attitude is entitled and ungrateful, and she should be ashamed of herself. I wish her luck keeping off the weight she loses, because her chances aren’t great with that attitude.
DEAR ABBY: I became friends with “Brenda” some years ago. We enjoy each other’s friendship and have many interests in common. My problem is that a year into our friendship, she confided she had a son who was in prison for a crime I cannot morally forgive. Because he was in prison, I didn’t see a problem with continuing our friendship.
Brenda just let me know her son will be released from prison in a few months and will be living with her. She will want me to meet him and has indicated that she wants him to participate in some of the activities in which we have been participating.
How do I tell Brenda that I want nothing to do with her son but would like to continue our friendship? Is this even possible? — BRENDA’S FRIEND IN THE MIDWEST
DEAR BRENDA’S FRIEND: Once Brenda’s son is released and living with her, count on the fact that they will be joined at the hip unless (or until) he can find a place of his own. It could change the dynamic of your relationship, aside from whether he is a felon. Telling her you want to exclude her son from the activities the two of you have enjoyed together will NOT go over well regardless of how diplomatically you phrase it, and it may spell the end of the friendship. If you start backing away now, it may spark an honest conversation.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
