The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: I am concerned about my daughter. She’s in a nice relationship, which seems good. They have two beautiful sons, ages 4 and 2, good jobs, a nice home and nice families who show a lot of support. We are always there for one another.
My concern is that my daughter’s partner will not move forward with an engagement and proposal of marriage. A few years ago, I mentioned marriage to him, and he answered, “Soon.” His parents also said the time will be coming soon. I heard from someone that he said there has been a lot of divorce in his family, and that’s what is holding him back.
I feel for my daughter. While her sister and cousins are getting married, she is sitting idle. I don’t really know how she is feeling because I try not to butt in, but this is hurting my wife and me, and possibly her. Should I say something again or stay out of it? She would be a beautiful and happy bride. — EMPATHETIC DAD IN ILLINOIS
DEAR DAD: Sorry to be a grump, but it’s time to think realistically. There is a lot more to this than what a beautiful and happy bride your daughter would make. Has she considered what would happen to her and the children if something unforeseen happened to her partner? Who would be legally empowered to make medical and financial decisions for him? Her? His parents? Has he considered what the outcome of his stalling could be, two children later?
Talk with your daughter and make sure she understands the implications of what’s going on. Yes, she and her partner are happy. Bless them for that. But it’s possible neither of them is thinking pragmatically and, for the sake of her and the children, that should change.
DEAR ABBY: My wife died five years ago. I waited for four years before getting back in the dating scene. My girlfriend was divorced six years ago. Her ex-husband lives in a different state. She refuses to tell him about our relationship because she says she doesn’t want to hurt his feelings.
Her ex calls and texts her all the time. I like her a lot, and our relationship has been great in every way. I just can’t get over her not telling him. I have talked to her about this, but she refuses to tell him. Should I be worried about this? — EX ISSUE IN MICHIGAN
DEAR EX ISSUE: I think so. This woman may be legally divorced from her husband but is not emotionally, which may be why she’s reluctant to tell him. She may also be less invested in your relationship than you are. Ask her whether she would want to know if her ex met someone and started a relationship. Then ask the reverse question because, if you are serious about her, the current situation is unfair to you.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
