The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: My out-of-state sister is facing major, life-threatening surgery. Even though she isn’t well, I asked to visit her a few days prior to a family reunion, and she agreed. While I was there, I noticed she was irritable and sharp-tongued, more so than she usually is. I let it go. However, on the morning of the reunion, as we were getting ready to go, she turned her anger on me, screaming and yelling at me and making all kinds of accusations.
I’m sorry to say that after repeated statements, I started shouting back. When I regained my composure, I apologized to her for everything she said I had done as a guest. Then I packed my bags and went to stay at another family member’s home. At the reunion, she was sweet and nice to everyone but, of course, our conversation was minimal.
I’m home now, but at a loss as to what to do next. I already apologized, but the silence from her is deafening. She has always been headstrong, argumentative and self-righteous, but she’s my only sibling, and I love her. I’m not perfect either, but I can’t help but think that an apology from her is the only way we can move forward. Agree? — BROTHER WHO TRIES IN ILLINOIS
DEAR BROTHER: No, I do not agree. Your sister is very ill. The treatment is life-threatening. In this situation, many people are not at their best. Do not demand or expect an apology from her. Call, text or write her to tell her you love her and wish her well in the coming weeks and months, and that she is in your thoughts. In a case like this, a dose of selective amnesia on your part might be beneficial.
DEAR ABBY: I recently found out my 32-year-old distant cousin (male) on my dad’s side has been flirting with my mom on Facebook Messenger. (For the record, my parents have been divorced for 18 years.) I saw this when I was helping Mom set up her new phone and she received one of the messages. She has asked him to stop, but he keeps sending messages that start with “Hey, beautiful,” “Hey, most beautiful lady in the world” and “Hey, hot stuff.” He says he wants to take her on a date and kiss her, even if it’s just once.
I know I was wrong for doing this, but I decided to review the whole conversation and other conversations from previous FB accounts my cousin has had. These messages go back two years, including when he was in another relationship. Neither my mom nor my cousin knows that I know about these messages.
I am reluctant to confront my cousin because of how I found out, and I want to avoid causing embarrassment for my mom from that side of the family. But I feel he needs to be held accountable and to know that this is not OK. What should I do? — KNOWS TOO MUCH IN WISCONSIN
DEAR KNOWS: Your mother is an adult, and presumably in her right mind. If she didn’t enjoy the attention, she could block the messages. My advice is to stop snooping and stay out of it.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
