The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: I got engaged five months ago, and my wedding date is seven months from now. My soon-to-be sister-in-law and bridesmaid has just announced she’s pregnant with her second child and due a week after our wedding.
I have conflicting emotions. While I’m happy for her family to grow, I can’t help but worry it will detract from my fiance and me. I’m not sure what to do. Do I keep her as a bridesmaid, one week away from delivery? She might be late, but there’s also a chance she could go into labor before or during our wedding.
Can I replace her so she won’t have to worry about the “what-ifs”? Her husband is a groomsman, so this decision will affect everyone. Should I leave her in and chance it? It breaks my heart to think they might not be able to attend at all. I’m just so overwhelmed, and this is adding to the stress of planning my wedding. Please give me some advice. — WORRIED BRIDE-TO-BE
DEAR WORRIED: Talk to your about-to-be sister-in-law. It would be difficult to impossible to fit a bridesmaid’s dress on someone whose girth is growing constantly. Add to that the possibility that she may be unable to attend the wedding because of an “early arrival,” and you wouldn’t be normal if you weren’t concerned.
Offer her the opportunity to fill another role during the ceremony — perform a reading, perhaps. Then be sure to have a backup for her. To do this would not be an insult; it may save your sanity as the big day for each of you approaches.
DEAR ABBY: I have four nieces with families who live near me. I see none of them on holidays. I am never invited to spend time with them. They have children who have children, and I understand that they would be involved with each other. We email and keep in contact on Facebook. They know my house is off-limits because my partner is a hoarder and there’s no room.
I hint to them in cards, “Hope to see you over the holidays” or, “Would love to see the great-grandbabies.” (The oldest is 3 and I haven’t seen all four of them since they were born.) My partner is a transgender woman, but I am assured this doesn’t bother them.
I miss them and feel left out of the family even though we email. I am their deceased father’s only sibling left. Should I be more aggressive, or just stop trying? I have other nieces and nephews who live far away and are more interested in me as a human being and an aunt. They say they would like to be with me and love me. — EXCLUDED IN NEW YORK
DEAR EXCLUDED: It should be apparent to you that these nieces are ignoring your hints. Could you visit with them in a public place — neither your house nor theirs? It’s worth asking. But if they don’t take you up on it, please, concentrate your efforts on those relatives who treat you with the warmth and caring you deserve.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
