The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together for six years, married for four. We have had a lot of marriage issues during the last few years, sexually and otherwise. I no longer trust him because of something I found out last year.
I have his email information, and I also was able to see the search history from his phone on the computer. I discovered that he watches a lot of porn. I don’t think it’s a big deal because I know many men and women do. But I saw he was also watching gay porn and searching for pictures of well-endowed guys. Does this mean my husband is gay and likes men? Or does it just mean he likes different sexual things?
I’m not sure what to do. I don’t know if I should approach the subject with him. I don’t want him to know I’m snooping around, so how do I ask him about it without telling him how I know? Or should I just let it go? — KNOWS TOO MUCH IN TEXAS
DEAR KNOWS: Your husband may be bisexual, gay or bi-curious. You wouldn’t have checked his phone history if you hadn’t felt “something” was wrong. Do not let it go. You will never know the truth unless you ask for it. This does not necessarily have to be a marriage-breaker. However, in case your husband has wandered (off the screen), call your doctor and ask to be tested for STDs.
DEAR ABBY: My mother puts pictures of me on Facebook, usually old ones, and invariably says, “Look how skinny you were!” I’m 60 now, and I don’t look skinny anymore. Her comments bother me greatly. Recently, my daughters-in-law said something to her on Facebook about commenting on my weight and how they don’t see me as overweight but as a whole and wonderful person.
Now, my mother is angry. She says HER feelings are hurt because she thought she was “paying me a compliment.” I can’t make her understand that you just don’t make comments on people’s weight, especially on social media. It is unkind. How do I get through to her? — WEIGHTY ISSUE
DEAR WEIGHTY ISSUE: If you think trying to reason with someone as insensitive as your mother will work, forget it. You can get through to her by telling her in plain English that her backhanded “compliment” hurt YOU, and you don’t want it repeated in public OR in private, and if she does it again, you and your family will block her on social media — if not from your lives. You deserve an apology. You do not owe her one.
DEAR ABBY: My husband is 59. He is on long-term disability because he has been suffering from a major depression for more than a year. He has asked me not to tell our acquaintances or my co-workers about his health issues. My question is, how should I respond when people ask me what my husband does? I don’t like to say he’s retired because that is not the case. — QUESTIONED IN QUEBEC, CANADA
DEAR QUESTIONED: If you are asked, tell the questioners that your husband is SEMI-retired. It’s the truth, and no one knows how long it will be until he is again fully employed.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
