The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: I recently retired. I also have fibromyalgia, which leaves me fatigued and in pain, and I never know how I will feel on a given day. My daughter is a single mom of a 3-year-old and asks me to babysit overnight on occasional Saturdays so she can spend the night with her boyfriend.
I love my grandson and love being with him, but sometimes it’s very hard for me to keep up with him. I’m in pain for days afterward from sitting on his level so we can play, picking him up and picking things up from the floor.
My house is too small to have him spend the night, so I stay at hers. Her bed is very uncomfortable, and I don’t sleep well. If I say I don’t like doing overnights and explain why, she thinks I’m making up the fibromyalgia, says that it’s in my head and accuses me of having a hissy fit. She lays the guilt on hard and makes me feel awful.
I’m not sure how to make her understand what I’m feeling. It’s hard to communicate with her because she can be very strong-willed and disrespectful. This is putting a wedge in our relationship and making me depressed. I wish we could come to a compromise. Please help me with what to do. — CONFLICTED IN NEW ENGLAND
DEAR CONFLICTED: Fibromyalgia is a real illness; it’s not in your head. Gather as much information as you can about fibromyalgia from the internet and give it to your daughter the next time she asks you to babysit. Tell her that as much as you love her and your grandchild, you are no longer able to be at her beck and call so she can sleep with her boyfriend. Then suggest he spend the night at her place because, for the sake of your health, you can no longer overdo it.
DEAR ABBY: My daughter is in her early 30s and in a long-term relationship with a young man nine years younger. While they get along well and are starting to talk about marriage, I see things she doesn’t. I think the age gap will be an issue later, but more than that, I don’t believe he’s what she thinks he is.
I had a large sum of money hidden in my bathroom that disappeared. I know he took the money. In hindsight, I admit it was a foolish place to hide anything because people have access and can snoop as much as they like in a bathroom, so I blame myself for not moving it, but that doesn’t change what he did.
I haven’t said anything about it, but it’s weighing on me, and I don’t know what to do about it. I know she will defend him and it could damage my relationship with her, but there’s no doubt he took that money. Have you any advice for me? I’m $300 poorer, but my daughter could be the one who really pays the price. — SUSPECTS HIM IN GEORGIA
DEAR SUSPECTS HIM: You should have spoken to your daughter about this when you first realized the money was missing. Do it now. Do not be confrontational about it. Simply state that the money was in your bathroom and it is now missing, and no one other than them has been in your house. If she asks if you are accusing him (or her), tell her no, but that you thought she should know.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
