The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: I have been married 44 years and have always slept in the same bed with my wife. Last week, I caught a virus, and we decided that I would sleep in the spare bedroom until it was gone. I have now discovered I sleep better by myself, and I enjoy the freedom of the bed. How do I tell my wife I’d prefer sleeping alone? I love her to death, but I really like my freedom in bed. — SLEEPING FOR ONE IN WISCONSIN
DEAR SLEEPING: Couples sleep apart for many reasons — and it doesn’t signal that there is anything wrong with the marriage. Tell your wife what a restful and restorative sleep you had in the spare room (“the best you’ve had in years”). A good night’s sleep is imperative for good health. Then explain that it’s nothing personal, but you would like to continue sleeping solo.
Don’t be surprised if she then tells you that she, too, slept better not having to share the bed. However, if she isn’t receptive, perhaps two beds in your main bedroom would work for the two of you.
DEAR ABBY: My 71-year-old husband tells looonnnggg stories about himself to everyone — family, friends and even strangers. I’m bored to tears hearing the same stories over and over, and I can see others’ eyes glaze over to the point of avoidance. I have asked him to share only stories that are less than 10 years old, but that hasn’t stopped him. What else can I do? This has gotten so bad that I find myself avoiding social situations with him. — MAKE IT STOP IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR MAKE IT STOP: Has your husband always been like this, or could his repetitiveness be a symptom of mental decline? When people regale others with old stories, it can mean that their short-term memory is deteriorating. Is the problem that your husband had an illustrious career years ago but has nothing recent to discuss? If his problem is simply that he’s a crashing bore, consider socializing without him more often. Your friends and family will appreciate you for it.
DEAR ABBY: I live in an independent retirement home. There is a lady who sits at our table at lunch. If someone asks a question, before the person being addressed can respond, she butts in and answers. If someone says something, she tries to top them. We have tried insulting her, but she pouts for a few minutes and then is back at it. When we moved to another table, she moved also. Any suggestions? — SPOILED LUNCH IN ALABAMA
DEAR SPOILED: Yes, rather than shun the clueless woman, one of you should have a private conversation with her. (Is she in control of all of her faculties?) Explain that her personality is “too strong and dominant” for the rest of you, which has made you all uncomfortable, and this is why she should sit elsewhere at lunchtime. If she denies it, give her some examples. Do not expect her to like it, but if you speak up, you may be able to enjoy your lunch in peace after that. If not, talk to the manager of the retirement home about reassigning her.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
