The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married 45 years, but over the last six months, we’ve had numerous fights about Facebook. I’m having issues with his addiction to social media and his constant posts and comments with people I don’t know.
I get jealous about these interactions with women. He has never given me reason not to trust him, but I’m having trouble with this. It’s also a problem when he has one or two alcoholic drinks. If I ask him about something FB-related, it sometimes sets him off and we have a big fight. He becomes very unreasonable, and it’s always my fault. In person, he’s very friendly and sometimes teases women. I get jealous about that, too.
We recently moved to this area and don’t have many friends, and that seems to be making things worse. I’m feeling sad and lack self-esteem right now. I don’t know how to get over this. Do you have any suggestions? He won’t go to counseling because he says it’s “my problem,” not his. — ALWAYS WRONG IN WEST VIRGINIA
DEAR ALWAYS WRONG: Your husband appears to be a “people person.” Nowhere in your letter did you indicate that he has been unfaithful. It would be wrong to try to change his personality because you feel insecure.
A way for you (both) to make friends in a new community would be to involve yourselves in it. Join a club or a service organization, sign up for a gym or volunteer to help others who are less fortunate. If you and your husband are religious, affiliate with a house of worship. This should facilitate integrating yourselves. However, if your sadness and lack of self-esteem don’t lessen, then discuss this with a licensed mental health professional.
DEAR ABBY: My daughter, “Amelia,” is 26 and has been dating her boyfriend for almost three years. He is great, and my family loves him. He has a son from a previous relationship who was born while my daughter was dating him. (He and the baby’s mom broke up while she was pregnant.) Amelia is great with the little boy, but we want more for her. We would love to see the relationship go further, but although he keeps telling her it’s going to happen “soon,” it never does.
Amelia has taken on many roles, and I believe she deserves more of a commitment from him. She helps to raise his son with nothing in return but empty promises. Are my husband and I wrong for wanting more for her? She has expressed that she also wants the commitment. Should we approach the subject with him? — MAMA WANTS MORE
DEAR MAMA: I don’t think it would be wise for you and your husband to approach Amelia’s boyfriend and try to wrest a commitment from him. You do, however, need to air your feelings with your daughter. She could remain in limbo for years if she doesn’t assert herself. If the romance doesn’t work out, the person who may suffer most is that little boy, who will have lost another mother figure.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
