The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: I’m 22, and my boyfriend is 21. We’ve been dating for a few months. At a recent family dinner, his maternal grandfather hit on me. I was helping to clear the dinner table and leaned across the table to grab some dirty plates when Grandpa shoved his hand up my skirt. Then he leered at me, and my survival instincts kicked in. I slapped him across the face so hard he fell off his chair. It created a scene, and my boyfriend’s mother screamed at me.
My boyfriend’s sisters tried to downplay what he did, dismissing Grandpa’s behavior as “he’s just a scamp!” I left the house in a hurry, and the family is now talking about suing me for assault. I’m dumbfounded, and now I’m second-guessing myself. I have told my boyfriend we are over, and he’s upset because we had a nice relationship. I’m no longer sure I can go forward with it. Am I in the wrong here? Should I apologize? — SHAKEN IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR SHAKEN: You have no reason to apologize. Your boyfriend’s family should apologize to you. Your boyfriend’s grandfather is not a “scamp.” He’s an old man who appears to be losing control of his faculties. You were not wrong to defend yourself. If there is any more talk of “suing you for assault” after what Gramps did, tell them you will file a police report about his inappropriate behavior, which was far from harmless. His next victim could be a minor.
DEAR ABBY: In high school, I had a friend who constantly told me he loved me. I never returned the feelings. We remained friends through high school, college and early adulthood. We married others and had children, occasionally popping into each other’s lives.
Four years ago, we started texting a lot — probably 100 times a day. Two years ago, we met up (we live in different states now and met halfway) and started a sexual relationship. For 18 months we met once a month. The sex is awesome. Conversations are amazing. Then we stopped. For the next six months we both worked on our marriages. Neither of us is happy.
Two months ago, we started meeting again. I think I’m falling in love with him. I think he loves me, but I also don’t think he will leave his family. We have known each other for 40 years. We know the sex is so good, but we are also such good friends. What should I do? — RECONNECTED IN THE MIDWEST
DEAR RECONNECTED: You and this man are mature adults. Ask him where he sees your love affair going. Does he plan to continue the status quo, or does he plan to leave his family? If he is as good a friend as you feel he is, he will give you an honest answer, and you will know what to do.
DEAR ABBY: When it’s hot, I like to take my shirt off in store parking lots and toss it into the cart while I unload. It gives me some relief from the scorching summer temperatures. This seems relatively harmless to me, but what do you think? — BARE-CHESTED GUY
DEAR GUY: The answer depends upon how “hot” you are. If you’re a buff, furry-chested male, it’s fine with me as long as you’re wearing sunscreen.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
