The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: Eight years ago, I split from my fiance of 30 years, “Anthony,” when he accused me of cheating, which I was absolutely not doing. Throughout the entire relationship, he hurt and belittled me. He is insecure and always suspicious. However, he remains attached to my family through my daughter and grandsons, which I am not happy about.
I live across the country now and recently took a trip home to visit my family. I have two sisters. Coincidentally, my niece’s 40th birthday party was being held that Saturday. Nobody knew I was coming, so it was a surprise. But it turns out the real surprise was on me.
When we sat down to eat, one sister (my niece’s other aunt) turned to me and said, “I’m gonna tell you something, and I don’t want to hear anything about it. Anthony and I are in a relationship.” You can imagine how that went over. Not only did she ruin our niece’s birthday party, but I feel betrayed by that sister.
I have contacted her by text and email telling her how I feel, but she doesn’t respond. Right now, I have no desire to talk to her or have any kind of relationship with her. I think she sees dollar signs since he has money, but it’s not right to date your sister’s ex because it breaks the “sister code.” What is your advice on this situation? — BETRAYED SIS IN WYOMING
DEAR BETRAYED SIS: You may have had the longest engagement in history. Wish your sister better luck in their “relationship” than you had, because if your ex is as you described, she’s going to need it. If you feel she violated a “sister code,” then it appears that when money enters the picture, the code is obsolete.
DEAR ABBY: My wife of eight years is from Africa, and we have a 1-year-old daughter. I am white. My wife is Black and 29 years younger than I am. She was raised not to celebrate Christmas. She says it’s because it is associated with pagan rituals coming from satanic worship in old times. She doesn’t want our daughter exposed to this even though she lives in the U.S., where Christmas is a valued tradition, bringing people together with good cheer for generations.
My wife has no desire to compromise on this and is willing to leave the marriage over it. I feel like she thinks she can roll over me with no consequences. Should I start looking for a divorce attorney? — TRADITIONALIST IN TEXAS
DEAR TRADITIONALIST: Your wife is convinced she is doing the right thing and protecting her child by not celebrating Christmas. Although I tried, I was not able to find ANY association between a pagan religion that preceded Christmas and Satanism. Rather than look for a divorce attorney at this point, you might be better served to consult a marriage counselor as well as a religious adviser from the denomination to which your wife belongs.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
