The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: My child “Logan” is the product of a sexual assault. He has located his father and formed a relationship with him. Logan didn’t know the circumstances of his conception at the time he contacted his father. He has now been made fully aware by our family as to what occurred.
Abby, Logan has invited this person to his wedding. I do not want to attend if his father will be present. Logan has told me that this man WILL be attending and that the problem is MY issue. I love my son, but this is beyond traumatic for me. I want to be there for the special day, but I cannot bring myself to be in the same room with the person who assaulted me.
This situation has broken my heart. I feel as though my feelings don’t matter to Logan and that he expects me to just push through this, go to the wedding and deal with it. What are your thoughts? — WORST-CASE SCENARIO
DEAR WORST-CASE: Your son’s insensitivity to your feelings is appalling. That he would demand you ignore the fact that you were a rape victim and spend even a minute in the perpetrator’s presence is outrageous. Whatever decision you make to move forward is the right one for YOU. I am so sorry for your pain, which is palpable.
DEAR ABBY: I work with a lady who has drama swirling around her constantly. There’s always something wrong with work, her house, her family, herself, her pets, etc. Each problem is worse than the next. At first, I was sympathetic and let her vent. Then I realized this is a daily occurrence, and all this negativity is draining not only my patience but also my mental health.
I have tried quickly moving past her work area, but she then follows me to mine. When I tried getting to work before she did, she started coming in earlier. When I tell her I need to complete an assignment, she continues to talk! I’d like to put some distance between us. But she’s a nice person, and I hate to say, “I really can’t listen to you complain every day.” Any suggestions? — RUNNING OUT OF PATIENCE
DEAR RUNNING: Yes, quit being such a “nice person” yourself and stop letting this co-worker use you as a trouble dump. The next time she approaches you, tell her that what she’s doing is interfering with your work and sapping your energy, and you can no longer allow it. Say plainly that you need her to stop. If she doesn’t, discuss the problem with your supervisor or HR.
DEAR READERS: Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and no Thanksgiving would be complete without sharing the traditional prayer penned by my dear late mother:
Oh, Heavenly Father,
We thank Thee for food and remember the hungry.
We thank Thee for health and remember the sick.
We thank Thee for friends and remember the friendless.
We thank Thee for freedom and remember the enslaved.
May these remembrances stir us to service,
That Thy gifts to us may be used for others.
Amen.
Have a happy and safe celebration, everyone! — Love, ABBY
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
