The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: My 19-year-old niece didn’t finish high school and has been in and out of rehab for years. She’s about to leave a residential program and is looking for a place to live. Her parents have implemented “house rules” she doesn’t like, notably staying drug-free and away from her boyfriend.
I have three kids at home, and I’m not able to take her in. My elderly father just offered to let her live with him. This is going to be a disaster. Financially and physically, he is barely able to keep an apartment on his own. We perform a lot of his daily tasks and have been looking for home health options for when he’s ready to accept more help.
Dad is in no position to take in a troubled teenager. However, he thinks he is, and since he’s still independent, it’s his choice. If she could help take care of him, that would be great, but there’s no way it is going to happen. I’m not even sure it would be safe for him to have her and her friends in his place.
My father won’t listen to reason. My niece’s social worker won’t talk to me, citing privacy issues. Her parents have warned Dad with the same result I’ve had. I want to protect my father. How do I get in front of this craziness before it gets ugly? — DREADING IT IN MISSOURI
DEAR DREADING IT: I don’t think there is any way for you to prevent your father from taking the girl in. Stay in close touch so you can monitor what’s happening. Let this play out and step in if you see the situation becoming dangerous to his health and welfare, which, at that point, may require involving the authorities.
DEAR ABBY: I have a nephew and niece who are in their 20s. As teens and adults, they chose not to acknowledge gifts. I stopped sending them anything as a result.
I have recently learned my nephew is engaged. He will be eloping and then having a family reception in a few months. Nobody in my family has met his fiancee. I do not live in the same town they do. Would it be wrong to not attend the reception? I have never said anything to their father (my brother) about his kids’ lack of acknowledgement. I know my mother will give me grief, because she did a few months ago when I didn’t attend my niece’s graduation party. — STAYING AWAY IN NORTH CAROLINA
DEAR STAYING AWAY: I understand you are miffed because you weren’t thanked for gifts you gave your niece and nephew when they were younger. However, I am sorry you didn’t attend your niece’s graduation and even sorrier that you are planning not to attend your nephew’s wedding reception.
Are you estranged from your brother? Aren’t you the least bit curious about the young woman who will be joining your extended family? By pouting and not having a conversation with your brother about your feelings, you are effectively estranging yourself from that branch of the family, which I feel is a mistake.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
