The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: I’ve been married for 49 years. Of course, we’ve had our ups and downs. My husband, “Sid,” said he was joking at the store the other day. When I talk, I gesture with my hands. A woman was coming down the aisle while I was talking, and Sid warned her, “Watch out! She’s mean! She’s violent!”
At another store, he told the cashier, “Watch out! She’s dangerous! She’ll steal something! She’s a shoplifter.” When we got back in the car he said, “Man, why did you buy more cookies? You’ve eaten that whole pack already!”
When I bring this up to him, he says, “You’re just like your mother,” and I cry all the way home. In the car the next day, I told him how this hurts my feelings. His answer was, “You’ve always been too sensitive. You need to just get over it.” I don’t know how to respond to all this “poking” at me. — NO FUN IN FLORIDA
DEAR NO FUN: Your husband has a cruel streak and seems to get his kicks by embarrassing you in public. Dry those tears, and the next time it happens, smile and CALMLY tell the cashier your husband is off his meds and delusional, and to pay no attention to him. I don’t know why your husband is being passive-aggressive and neither will you unless you talk with a marriage and family therapist about it. Please don’t wait.
DEAR ABBY: Recently, I had a major surgery and a cancer scare. I don’t have cancer, but since then I can’t stop thinking about death — not just my own, but also the fear that my husband, dogs and cats will die. When that happens, I will be all alone. I am also struggling with my belief in God.
I have never ever been this unhappy. I cry every day. My body hurts, and I’m frightened all the time. I’m 57 and I know the end of my life is near. I don’t know how you can help me, but I’m a mess. I don’t want to die, and if I lose my family I will never recover. Please help me. How do people live and not worry about death? — SCARED IN THE SOUTH
DEAR SCARED: I think anyone who has faced their own mortality as you have can appreciate what a precious gift life is. None of us has a contract with God, which is why it is so important to value every good day we are given.
If you haven’t discussed your emotional state with your doctors, you MUST! And when you do, ask for referrals to a licensed mental health professional who can help you rid yourself of these destructive thoughts. You deserve to live a happy, normal life in the time you have on Earth, whether it is short or long. To achieve that, you need to regain your balance.
TO MY READERS: Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement, begins at sundown. During this 24-hour period, observant Jewish people fast, engage in reflection and prayer and formally repent for any sin that might have been committed during the previous Hebrew year. To all of you who observe — may your fast be a meaningful one. — LOVE, ABBY
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
