The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: I am a gay man who has been with my husband for more than 30 years. He’s from a different culture, as are our now-grown adopted children. Most of my family members are religiously and politically conservative. They have known I was gay since I was in my 20s and almost always accepted us, but they are often critical of differences in race and culture. I struggled with this situation emotionally for decades and have had professional counseling.
With my parents now gone, I have attempted to maintain a connection and polite relationship with my siblings and other relatives, but during these politically charged times, I am finding it more and more difficult. During the past year, I have noticed some family members post anti-gay and anti-immigrant messages on social media. Some of them are so hateful and vile that I have quietly unfriended or unfollowed them. I am again hurt and disappointed and nearing a breaking point, and I’m not sure how to handle this further. Should I express my feelings now? Would a major confrontation serve any purpose or make a difference at this stage of life? — BREAKING POINT IN TEXAS
DEAR BREAKING POINT: By all means, speak up and let these homophobic and xenophobic relatives know their posts have affected you. They should be made aware that words have consequences. Sometimes people need reminding that messages posted on social media can be hurtful to people they actually know. Having been subjected to those posts, it’s your privilege to refrain from exposing yourself further to the toxicity, and I endorse your decision.
DEAR ABBY: I’ve been with my boyfriend for nine wonderful years. He’s loving, loyal, funny and one of the best cooks I’ve ever known. We share our home with two small and terribly spoiled Yorkies who are the center of his world. So much so, in fact, that he cooks gourmet meals — FOR THEM. I’m not exaggerating.
Last week, the dogs had Wagyu steak with a drizzle of bone broth reduction. I dined on a turkey sandwich from the fridge that had expired two days earlier and a bag of potato chips. It’s not that I don’t love the dogs. I do. They’re family. But I’m starting to feel like the roommate who gets the leftovers while the VIPs dine on prime cuts. He treats me well in every other way. But Abby, is it too much to ask for equal steak rights in my own home? — SECOND TO THE YORKIES
DEAR SECOND: How do you know your boyfriend is a good cook if he only cooks for the Yorkies? Is it because they wag their tails as they wolf down their gourmet dinner? What does HE eat when he’s doing this? If you ate only an (expired) turkey sandwich because you weren’t offered anything better, open your yap and let him know you were so upset that you wrote to me — and be sure to read the comment section at DearAbby.com because I’m sure my online readers will have a lot to say about this.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
