The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: A few years ago, my uncle made a controversial comment about a social issue in my mom’s family group text. The issue was important enough to my sister that she requested discussion about it cease because she didn’t agree with what they were saying. When the discussion continued, she decided to cut Mom’s family out of her life, taking a cue from my brother-in-law, who had made a similar decision about his own family.
My wife and I bought a house and decided to throw our first party there, inviting both sides of my family. My sister still refuses to be anywhere near Mom’s family. She said she wouldn’t be coming, even though I also invited Dad’s family, with whom she gets along well.
Although my political and social views align with my sister’s, I am also family-oriented, so this has been tough on me and my parents. I’m sad that Mom’s family may never see my sister again because one or two bad apples spoiled the barrel for her. I wish this could be resolved before it’s too late. Do you think that’s possible? — FAMILY-ORIENTED IN ILLINOIS
DEAR FAMILY-ORIENTED: I don’t know why the offensive conversation didn’t stop when your sister asked. Clearly, the comments your uncle made were so deeply offensive to her that she no longer wishes to have any contact with him. Is this “fixable”? Only if one of them is willing to give, and from what you have written, that doesn’t seem likely. From now on, if you want a family gathering, be prepared to host one without Sis.
DEAR ABBY: I’m a man who has worked for a large company for many years. I recently became acquainted with a newly hired woman who is beautiful, smart, funny and compassionate. We talk almost daily, and I’m becoming romantically interested in her. From her behavior, she may feel similarly. I’d like to take things to the next level by inviting her to lunch.
There is one major issue: I’m in my mid-50s; she’s in her early 20s. I’m not sure if she’s aware of the large age difference, but I’m sure she realizes I’m considerably older. If we do decide to pursue a relationship, I know there will be comments and jokes from our co-workers, which I can deal with, but is a relationship wise considering our age difference? I have never been interested in a woman this young before. She is special to me. People say age is just a number. Is it? — OLD ROMANTIC FOOL
DEAR OLD ROMANTIC: I am less concerned about the difference in your ages as I am the number of years you have been at your job and whether there may be an “imbalance of power” between yourself and the new hire. If there is a policy against fraternization in your workplace, your job or hers could be at risk. If there isn’t, then it wouldn’t be out of line to invite the young woman to lunch. If anything bothers her about the age difference (IF the relationship progresses), I’m sure it will come to light.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
