The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: I’m a man in my early 30s who has made a career switch. My new field requires me to be more social because I will be meeting with colleagues, some of them older than I am, and attending trade shows, meetings, and business and social networking outings. This was never part of my former job.
I’m somewhat shy, and I can be uneasy in conversations. I don’t always know what to say if there is a break in the conversation. A relative told me you have tips on how to navigate conversing with all kinds of people in different situations. If they are still available, it would be useful for me. — GEARING UP IN WASHINGTON, D.C.
DEAR GEARING UP: Your relative may have been referring to my booklet “How to Be Popular,” which is still in print. I will send you a copy. Making social conversation doesn’t come naturally to everyone. Few individuals are adept at it because they are so focused on their own insecurities that it distracts them from reaching out.
The keys to social dexterity are: Be friendly. A smile is an excellent icebreaker because it puts others around you at ease. Be kind. Be honest. (Be a good listener and people will think you are a genius.) Show an interest in the people you meet by asking about their interests, but avoid “sensitive” topics, particularly in a business situation.
My “How to Be Popular” booklet contains many other tips on how to approach others, and what to say and not say when trying to make conversation. It can be ordered by sending your name and address, plus a check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 446, Kings Mills, OH 45034-0446. Shipping and handling are included in the price.
If all of this doesn’t come naturally, think of it as a skill that needs to be polished. Practice saying hello to six people a day, away from the work environment. And make sure to cultivate your own interests so you will have something to contribute when you talk to others. When you receive your booklet, don’t read it just once. Keep it on hand for reference, because you may find it useful in many situations where you interact with others.
DEAR ABBY: My fitness center has three rows of treadmills and ellipticals. One woman usually selects the front row. Like many in the gym, she wears tight leggings, which is fine. However, hers are stretched so thin across her buttocks that the fabric is semi-transparent. Although this is unsightly, it is not a huge deal to me, and I simply don’t look her way.
I wonder, though, if folks would generally prefer that someone gently mention tricky issues like this to them. It reminds me of seeing someone with toilet paper stuck on a shoe or a skirt hem stuck in the waistline. — LOOKING THE OTHER WAY
DEAR LOOKING: I’m glad you asked before trying to be helpful. In a case like this, it would be better to keep looking the other way rather than address your fellow gym rat. I don’t know what the dress code may be at your gym, but if you have a question about it, you should ask the manager.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
