The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: A family member, “April,” recently lost her partner. Although I deeply disliked the individual, I was able to muster an “I’m sorry” when he passed. Then, April started posting how long they’d been married. (They weren’t married.) If her timeline is accurate, then he would have been with her at the state women’s prison, where she was incarcerated in the early 2000s.
I know I should keep my opinions to myself, and I did resist pointing out the error. If she wants to forget that period of her life, that’s OK, but what if she is dishonestly trying to extend their time together for financial gains from his estate? Should I correct her before an attorney does? — NOT A MARRIAGE
DEAR NOT A MARRIAGE: April may be trying to ease her pain by fudging the facts — a lot. If that’s all it is, leave well enough alone. However, if you truly believe she’s planning to commit estate fraud, it’s your duty to speak up. There’s no need to embarrass April publicly, but do share what you know with the executor of her partner’s estate.
DEAR ABBY: I have a parent who thinks they should know everything about everybody. If I get something in the mail, they will read it to see what it’s about. If I go shopping, they want to look at everything I bought. If I take out the trash, they want to know what’s being tossed. Today, they asked somebody how much their employer is paying them! If I don’t tell them everything, they say I’m being rude.
Family and friends have expressed displeasure about the way this parent acts. Is there something that can be done to help them see it is not necessary to know everything? — NO PRIVACY
DEAR NO PRIVACY: While parents do need to keep tabs on their minor children’s activities, the behavior you have described is over the top. Have you tried proactively overloading this person with a lot of boring details about your day? If they get the impression that your life is uninteresting, they may stop hovering. Above all, do not let your anger show when they get nosy. If you do, it will only reinforce the suspicion that there’s something they need to know.
DEAR ABBY: My wife and I go out to dinner twice a month with another couple. Over the years, we have split the bill down the middle. Unfortunately, they order expensive entrees, bottled water, drinks and desserts that we do not. As a result, we end up subsidizing their meals, and our bill is often between $150 and $200. It’s getting harder to afford.
How can I suggest separate checks without implying that they eat too much or spend too much? Because that is how, I’m afraid, it would sound. — GOING BROKE IN THE WEST
DEAR GOING BROKE: Do not make this about the other couple. Simply say casually that it would “work better for us if we got separate checks.” That way there will be no shaming involved, just a simple statement of facts.
