The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: I’m in a long-term relationship with an incredible guy I’ll call “Jerry.” We both have grown children, his parents and family are amazing, and we all get along wonderfully.
Jerry works hard as a health-care professional. I work as well, but he supports us financially, for which I am grateful. He has an autoimmune disorder and, unfortunately, other health issues because, over the decades, he didn’t take care of himself. I make healthy meals, walk at least 10 miles a week and try very hard not to spend too much time on the sofa.
My problem is: I’m in my mid-50s, energetic and living with someone who is my complete opposite in that way. I go out alone and with my family and friends to remain active, but I need Jerry to get off the couch and do things other than go out for meals. I have gently spoken about this with him many times. Should I just keep the status quo? I love him and would like to keep this relationship going. — HELPLESS IN NEW HAMPSHIRE
DEAR HELPLESS: I suggest a two-pronged approach. The first prong would be to find out what Jerry’s doctor has to say about his sedentary lifestyle, so perhaps another medical professional can help you galvanize Jerry to become more active. The second prong would be to make sure some walking is involved either before or after the two of you go out for a meal. It may take some strategy on your part, but it would be worth a try.
DEAR ABBY: We were playing cards at my house on a Friday night. On the way to making a point, I mentioned in passing my status as “the man of the house.” My visiting sister-in-law interrupted and informed me that it is 2025 and I may NOT be a “man of the house.” I told her I most certainly AM the man of my house, just as my wife is the woman of the house, and she (my SIL) was out of line trying to dictate what I may and may not call myself under my own roof. She then excused her hateful comment by passing it off as a “joke,” which was totally unacceptable.
A huge row ensued, and anti-male hate speech spewed from my SIL’s mouth. She spent the next eight minutes telling me what an awful person I am and made clear that because she has done favors for my wife and me, it justifies her use of sexist hate speech. I told her to leave, which she did the following morning, lamely excusing her behavior by saying “she meant no malice.” What does Dear Abby think of this mess? — MAN OF THE HOUSE IN MICHIGAN
DEAR MAN: It appears your sister-in-law touched a nerve when she made that comment, and you overreacted. What I think of this mess is that you both owe each other an apology, and if alcohol played ANY part in what happened, you should both abstain while playing cards in the future.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
