The Shadow
Welcome back, Shadowers! We’re now on the new schedule of publishing the Shadow every two weeks. I don’t know about you, but I had some withdrawal pains and missed having our conversations. However, my pen is refilled, flashlight freshly charged, and curiosity in full swing. So let’s get into it.
With the courtrooms quiet, the school board momentarily behaving, and the smell of drama temporarily replaced by actual spring flowers, The Shadow found himself with a rare and dangerous thing: free time. So naturally, I did what any hard-hitting investigative satirist would do—I cracked open a stack of 32 thrilling, edge-of-your-seat fire marshal reports from every school in the Alleghany Highlands Public Schools District over the past six years (from 2020~2025.)
Let me tell you, folks, if you’ve never experienced the pulse-pounding adrenaline of reading about expired fire extinguisher tags and creatively placed extension cords, you haven’t truly lived. After tearing through the fire marshal reports with enough violation checklists to wallpaper the CMS boiler room, The Shadow has emerged with a clearer picture—and a slightly twitchy left eye. What’s become painfully obvious is that across the Alleghany Highlands Public Schools, fire safety compliance is less a process and more akin to a roulette wheel, spinning somewhere between “fix it next year” and “were we supposed to follow that rule?”
At the top of the danger chart? Blocked exits and fire doors didn’t close, latch, or exist in any functional sense. Then there were missing or expired fire extinguishers, some not inspected since 2019, which, if you’re keeping score, were sometimes located in the wrong place, or simply not there.
Combine that with improper electrical setups, such as daisy-chained extension cords and power strips doing contortionist tricks, and you’ve got a recipe for a smoldering comedy of errors. It’s like playing a real-life game of “The Floor is Lava”—except in this version, the lava is regulation-violating, liability-laced potentials of real fires and real kids getting hurt.
And then there was the glow from the Dashboard lights. Properly functioning fire alarm systems seem to be considered optional—some were in “trouble” mode, some hadn’t been tested since the last ice age, and others were only functional if you considered the power of hope and prayer. If a fire ever breaks out, let’s hope someone has a good set of lungs and a cowbell.
So overall, the combined results of 114 violations are clear indicators of someone dropping the ball in the fire and life safety department at AHPS. Here’s the breakdown: Covington Middle School: 55 violations; Mountain View Elementary: 19; Jeter-Watson Elementary: 18; Alleghany High School: 12; Jackson River Technical Center: 7; Sharon Elementary: 2; Callaghan Elementary: 1.
Perhaps the AHPS board and administration should take a long, unflinching look at how “District Level Systems Reform” actually works, beyond the PowerPoint slides and acronym bingo. In plain terms, it means pulling a page from Sharon and Callaghan Elementary, two schools that consistently pass fire inspections without needing a federal disaster grant. Their administrators seem to understand the radical concept of “keeping the building safe,” which, shockingly, does not require a consulting firm or a task force to tell them how it’s done.
Shifting from fire codes to campaign trails, the Virginia primary season is heating up. One race that’s caught the attention of Highlands residents is the Republican primary for House District 37, where longtime incumbent Delegate Terry Austin is facing a challenge from Botetourt County’s Austen Schwend. Austin, currently serving a sixth term in the House, is on the committees of Appropriations, Transportation, Rules, and General Laws.
Schwend, on the other hand, is a self-described conservative outsider, a farmer and engineer calling for a return to local values, lower energy costs, and a reevaluation of state energy policy. It’s the classic faceoff: experience versus disruption. Both have their followers, and both will likely draw interest from voters who want either continuity or a course correction.
In lighter and brighter news, Alleghany High School’s 2025 prom was a glowing success, hosted at the stunning MenNefer’s estate. The venue—recently restored and polished to perfection by John and Kimberly Fink—was met with glowing praise from students and parents alike. Director of Ceremonies Tripp Curry captured the tone perfectly: “We are honored to host the 2025 AHS prom and to be a part of such a meaningful milestone in the lives of these students. It’s a joy to provide a beautiful and safe space where memories will be made, and we look forward to celebrating future special events with the community.” And judging by the photos, the smiles, and parents gushing, it worked.
Back in Covington, something rare happened. Now ya’all know I’ve been a bit hard on City Manager Allen Dressler over the past couple of years. However, during the most recent city meeting, Dressler gained my respect by addressing a difficult truth: the cost of local utilities—water, sewer, and garbage pickup—will need to rise slightly. But what stood out wasn’t the news. It was the man delivering it. With a voice heavy with sincerity and a tone more pained than performative, Dressler made it clear this wasn’t a decision made lightly. You could tell he had studied the numbers. Understood the burden. And still hated having to say it out loud and face the wrath of the citizens.
Also in Covington, the city’s growing appreciation for cultural diversity took center stage with the grand opening of Inkazteca, a new convenience store founded by the owner of Casa de Leones. Celebrated with a community ribbon-cutting, the store offers goods imported from across Latin America—including Peru, Mexico, the Dominican Republic, and Puerto Rico. It’s more than just snacks on a shelf. It’s a celebration of identity, heritage, and a Covington that’s expanding in the best of ways.
Meanwhile, Alleghany High School seniors, through a partnership with the Alleghany Foundation, raised nearly $5,000 for local nonprofits. Students were given $50 to donate to a charity of their choosing—a gesture that cost them nothing but taught them everything about the value of giving. It was, in the purest sense, a lesson that stuck.
Over in Clifton Forge, the town has embarked on a new branding initiative, signaling a fresh chapter for the community. As part of the effort, they hired Mariah Saxton as Director of Planning and Community Development. She brings energy, new ideas, and a passion for revitalizing the town—one storefront and sidewalk at a time.
And if you’re a fan of hats and holy history, you’ll want a front-row pew for this one—the new Pope is American. That’s right, Cardinal Robert Prevost of Chicago was elected as the first US-born pontiff and will now be known as Pope Leo XIV. In a move that officially unites Rome and the Windy City, be on the lookout for Chicago’s newest deep-dish Pizza trend… Papal Pizza.
On the economic front, things were looking a little anxious at the checkout aisles—until yesterday morning, when the U.S. and China surprised everyone by announcing a tariff truce. That’s right, after months of trade tension and retail anxiety, the two giants have agreed to lower tariffs, and the markets responded like your grandma hearing bingo night was extended.
Just yesterday, folks in the Highlands were bracing for midsummer price hikes on everything from toys and clothes at Walmart to extension cords at Lowe’s, and maybe even a Big Mac combo that required a payment plan. But now? The panic over patio furniture inflation may be giving way to cautious optimism, and just in time for grill season. Economists aren’t calling it a miracle, but let’s be honest: don’t get too comfortable yet, this is global trade we’re talking about. The only thing more unpredictable than tariffs is the McFlurry machine actually working.
Finally, Friday marked a proud moment for Mountain Gateway Community College as it held its 58th commencement ceremony. Graduates walked across the stage, collecting degrees, certificates, and career study credentials. On May 7th, the nursing program held its traditional pinning ceremony, celebrating the next generation of healthcare workers, many of whom will likely serve right here in the Highlands.
So yes, while we’ve still got buildings to fix and elections to follow, there’s a lot to be proud of in our small mountain towns. And sometimes, the best stories are the ones that come after the press conference, after the courtroom, after the bell rings and the lights are off—when real people, quietly, do good things.
I’m out of time and out of coffee, but I’ll leave you with the inspiring words of Martin Luther King Jr: “The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”
