The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: I am a 55-year-old father of a 7-year-old child. My social skills and experience are rusty due to graduate school and post-graduate training years (12 years, to be exact) without much social interaction. I believe I missed an opportunity to bond with our 7-year-old.
Five years ago, my wife and I ran into a Hall of Fame ballplayer. I became so starstruck that I couldn’t stop blurting out how fantastic I thought he was. It did not go over well.
Fast-forward to today: My child’s classmate happens to be the child of yet another superstar. My wife told me, “Do not engage or talk to them.” She said she’d handle everything.
Well, I think I may have followed her instructions too literally and came across as rude or dismissive by not chatting with them. I’m afraid they may think I’m a snob or a jerk. How can I dig myself out of the hole I may have placed myself in? Because they are celebrities, I don’t want to invade their privacy.
I sent a holiday greeting to the email address shared in the school parent directory. No response. How should I interpret the non-response? Was my greeting delivered? Read? I also have their text number, but I don’t want to harass these people. — LOVING DAD IN THE SOUTH
DEAR LOVING DAD: Celebrities often receive greetings from fans they don’t know. Because you didn’t receive a response to yours, it is possible the celebrity didn’t see it, or was too inundated to answer. That your message went unanswered should not be regarded as a personal rejection. Do not text the person. Simply quit second-guessing yourself. You haven’t committed a social faux pas.
In the future, remember that celebrities are usually just like the rest of us, albeit better known. When you encounter one, remain calm. Smile and say hello just as you would the couple who live across the street. Doing that is not harassment, it’s being friendly.
DEAR ABBY: My father passed away five months ago. His wife has been unbearable to deal with and is controlling all aspects of any funeral arrangements. During the process of my father getting sick and then being placed in hospice, I have gone above and beyond to assist her with any of her needs.
My daughter is at college out of state, and in order to receive year-round tuition, she must stay on campus year-round. The schedule of my daughter’s temporary job position plus taking time off when my father was sick made it difficult for her to come home at any given time.
My father’s wife refused to compromise with me on a day that would work better for my daughter to attend the funeral. As a result, my daughter missed her grandfather’s funeral. How can I get past my hurt and resentment? — RESENTFUL IN ILLINOIS
DEAR RESENTFUL: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your father. That your daughter had to miss her grandfather’s funeral is regrettable, but the reason is understandable. Please remind yourself that your father’s wife is also grieving and isn’t her best at this time. Do you know why she could not or would not change the date of your father’s funeral to accommodate your daughter? Before starting a rift, the two of you need to have a talk.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
