The Shadow
CLIFTON FORGE, VA. (VR) – In a feat of Irish-inspired efficiency, the town of Clifton Forge hosted what is being hailed as Virginia’s shortest St. Patrick’s Day Parade held on Monday March 17th 2025. The entire procession, from start to finish, lasted approximately as long as it takes to say “top o’ the mornin’ to ya” three times fast. Local residents turned out in droves, with some claiming they walked further from their parking spots than the actual parade route. Even a couple of confused canines joined the festivities, sporting expressions that clearly said, “I could’ve been chasing squirrels instead of watching humans walk in a circle.” One participant, dressed as a leprechaun, reportedly shouted, “Wait, it’s over?” as he was simultaneously stepping off and crossing the finish line. One parade participant stated “We may be short on distance, but we’re long on spirit!” before realizing he’d missed the entire parade while giving his statement. Once the parade started, oh wait finished those in attendance were welcomed to partake in some snacks and drinks in the Dean Underground, at the Masonic Theatre. 
