The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: I met an acquaintance a few months ago during a brief work situation. We struck up a friendship (or so I thought) and have had lunch or dinner together a few times. She’s recently divorced, and she has a fancy house, lots of expensive clothes, purses and a mega-expensive vehicle, all of which her ex paid for.
I have now gotten the distinct impression that she judges me for my modest home, etc., which I paid for myself, while putting my son through exemplary schools all on my modest income. I don’t think I’m wrong about this. It’s a combination of little things, like not posting our outings on social media as she does with other friends, for example, as well as coming around only when it suits her.
At this point, I almost don’t even want a relationship with her because she appears to be superficial. If and when she comes around, how should I politely decline? Or would it be wrong to state what I feel is going on? — INCOMPATIBLE IN TEXAS
DEAR INCOMPATIBLE: I can think of no polite way to tell people their values are misplaced and superficial. The woman is not likely to change them at this late date. A polite way to decline would be to tell her you are not available. If she presses you further, tell her you don’t think the two of you are compatible.
P.S. Before you brush her off, examine your motivation for wanting to do this. Could it be that because she has so many more material things than you, you feel self-conscious about it? Just asking …
DEAR ABBY: I have been married 17 years, and we have had our ups and downs. Lately, I have noticed my husband no longer wants to go on trips together. He went on a weeklong vacation with his sisters shortly after I had surgery, and he took another weeklong trip to visit them and his nieces and nephews. When I spoke to him about it, his excuses ranged from “It will be too crowded” to “It’s too much money.”
This morning, I put my foot down. I said I’m going away for a weekend trip, and he can come with me or stay behind. He got upset. I work from home, long hours, and I haven’t had a break in close to a year. I’m starting to get fed up with his attitude and unwillingness to travel with me. Am I wrong for wanting a weekend away from home? — GETTING OUT OF TOWN
DEAR GETTING OUT: Not in my book. You deserve to know the reason for your husband’s change in attitude, which I suspect has little to do with it being too crowded. Could there be money problems you’re not aware of? If that’s not the case, you and hubby need an honest conversation or two about what may be wrong. If he isn’t forthcoming, it may be time to call in the help of a licensed marriage and family therapist to help you both better communicate. In the meantime, go on that trip.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
