The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my husband for more than 20 years. He’s mostly very nice, although he has generalized anxiety disorder. In the past, he threatened to kill someone (not me!) as well as himself and had to be hospitalized.
Ninety-nine percent of the time he’s friendly and thoughtful, except for one thing: He isn’t capable of giving affection, and we haven’t had sex in more than a decade. We have seen multiple counselors over the years to no avail. We have tried doctors and meds. I have begged, cried, talked with him and remained celibate always.
I met a younger man online who lives overseas, and it was platonic for two years. Suddenly, I realized I had more than platonic feelings for him. We started talking about love to each other. No sex was involved, nor have we exchanged revealing photos. (We are both religious.) I told my husband I want a divorce because I don’t believe in cheating and I am totally over him ignoring my needs for so long. My question is, was I wrong? — MAKING CHANGES IN GEORGIA
DEAR MAKING CHANGES: Because your marriage was not fixable, you did the right thing by telling your husband you wanted out. However, as well as you think you know this younger, foreign man whom you have never met, it is extremely important to move SLOWLY from here on.
There are so many catfish and romance scams online that, frankly, it’s scary. Before making any commitments, romantic or financial, you two need to meet, get to know each other, see how each other lives and what his friends and family are like (and vice versa). I wish you luck, but keep your eyes open.
DEAR ABBY: I am a divorced single mom who just purchased a new home. My 23-year-old daughter came home from college a few years ago and is refusing to move out. I understand that rental prices are high and she’s saving money, but I can’t live with her anymore.
Abby, we have very dissimilar lifestyles. My daughter is a slob and refuses to respect my pleas to keep her room and her bathroom (which is also our guest bathroom) clean and tidy. Her room stinks! She spends her days off sitting around on her phone all day. (She does have a job, and she’s also active in church.)
How can I get her to move instead of me flying off the handle every time she disrespects me? I just want to live in peace in a neat and tidy house. — FRUSTRATED IN FLORIDA
DEAR FRUSTRATED: You have my sympathy. Have a calm talk with your daughter. Point out that she is an adult now, and because her living habits are so different from yours, you are no longer willing to have her stay with you. Offer to help her find another place to live and set a date for her to be out. If she still refuses, you may have to start a formal eviction.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
