The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: I had a close friendship with a co-worker. We used to have lunch together and shared many personal and intimate stories. We were the two work newbies, even though I started six months before he did.
He has adapted well in the work environment, but I’m still struggling with different personalities and communication styles. Because he’s better established at work than I am, he has become part of close circles within management. I think he eventually wants to advance his career as far as he can.
I feel like I got left behind because his priorities changed, and our friendship was left by the wayside. I’m now realizing people shouldn’t have friends at work. Why do I feel such a loss and miss this co-worker who I thought was a friend? — DISCARDED IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR DISCARDED: It takes a level of trust to share intimate details of our lives with someone. If that person takes a step back and heads in a different direction, of course it is hurtful. You looked to your co-worker for emotional support and now it is gone. You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t mourn the loss.
On the plus side, you have learned from this experience. Work relationships are just that, and it is unwise to expect more from them. You had a preconception about how your relationship with this person was going to be; he had other ambitions, and he is acting upon them. Such is life.
DEAR ABBY: My husband’s parents divorced when he was young, and he acquired a beautiful, solitaire diamond from his mother’s engagement ring. The diamond was made into an engagement ring for his first marriage (which, obviously, also ended in divorce).
As a couple, we are trying to decide what to do with the stone. His mom doesn’t want it back. We could sell it (it has been appraised/certified by the gemological institute), or he has suggested I keep it and have it made into a necklace.
I am unsure about the proper action to take in this situation. Although it is not a pressing matter, we have discussed it for a few years now. Your input would be appreciated. — BEJEWELED IN THE WEST
DEAR BEJEWELED: It appears the diamond has brought only bad luck to the two women who have worn it. You know its monetary value, so consider taking it to a jeweler and discussing a trade-in for something you would enjoy wearing, such as earrings or a bracelet. (Where I live, multiple gold chain bracelets and necklaces are popular.)
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
