The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: For a long time, I thought I was unable to have children. My doctors told me it would be a difficult process and my chances were low due to chronic illnesses I live with. I have accepted this fact, because having a family was the reason I divorced in my late 20s. My ex didn’t want it, and I did, though I didn’t yet know I was likely infertile. Learning this afterward was devastating, but I pivoted into recovery with grit and faith.
I’m in my 30s now, and my closest friends are women who have infertility issues as well, or who have chosen to be childless. I have built a happy life that includes travel, an MBA, an exciting career and the bandwidth to be a support system for others. I’ve made my health a priority and I have learned to love my body.
Well, to our great surprise, my boyfriend and I learned we were pregnant six weeks ago. So far, all the signs point to this being a healthy, viable pregnancy, and we couldn’t be more thrilled. We are both ready for this next big adventure. But knowing how painful birth announcements can be for people with infertility, I’m reluctant to share my happy news.
As I near my second trimester and my life begins to change shape to welcome our miracle, I wonder how I can compassionately let my community know in a way that honors what we’ve been through together. I’m worried about bitterness during a time of so much sweetness. — ELATED IN THE MIDWEST
DEAR ELATED: My warmest congratulations to you and your boyfriend. Because you realize that it may upset some of your friends, forgo a big bash announcement and confide in a few of your closest friends. Knowing human nature, I’m sure the news will spread quickly.
Those who love you will be happy for you. Those who can’t bring themselves to feel that way will fade into the background, but please do not feel guilty for your happiness, because you are entitled to it.
DEAR ABBY: How do you handle an annoying neighbor who refuses to use his own trash and recycle bins and sneaks his discards into mine on pickup day? He lives alone, as do several women in the neighborhood, and he’s not helpful to anyone but himself, in good weather or bad. The only time he speaks to me is when he has a complaint about overgrown shrubs or trees near his property. What should I say? — ANNOYED NEIGHBOR IN NEW MEXICO
DEAR NEIGHBOR: Say you do not want him to put anything in your garbage cans. If he continues to do it, you may have to buy cans you can lock. Of course, you will have to unlock them for pickup, but it may be worth the trouble to ensure your garbage is “pristine.”
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
