The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: I have a girlfriend, “Dawn,” who is one of my oldest friends. She’s my only friend who stuck with me through the growing pains and different stages in my life. I married a man who I think is the love of my life. He’s very macho and proud. We have built a life together, and through stepchildren, exes and family — through thick and thin — our love has endured.
Well, my husband is also possessive. Dawn recently asked me to be the godmother of her second child, her son. My husband is offended that I was asked and he wasn’t. He has never made an effort to have a friendship with Dawn and her husband, or even met her son since his birth many months ago. He wants no part in the process, which I am very upset about.
What do I do? Should I ignore my husband’s feelings, be a good friend and godmother to Dawn’s baby and deal with the aftermath with my husband? — POTENTIAL GODMOTHER IN ARIZONA
DEAR POTENTIAL GODMOTHER: Your husband appears to be not only possessive, but also somewhat self-centered and controlling. It would be interesting to know why he’s pouting, since he’s not close to your friend nor particularly interested in her baby. Because one spouse is asked to be a godparent does NOT automatically mean the other must be. Some children have only one godparent; others have them in multiples. If you wish to be godmother to Dawn’s baby boy, go ahead and do it — and do not feel you have to apologize for it.
DEAR ABBY: I’m worried my 23-year-old son may be in serious financial trouble. He has always made clear that he wants to run a business instead of working at a 9-to-5 job. He has been working hard trying to start a consultation business for the last four or five years, which sometimes works and sometimes does not.
He’s dependent on my credit card, which he was only supposed to use for emergencies, but he sometimes uses it for more than that. I pay off the credit card bills and he owes me all the money he has charged on it. He promises to pay it back, and comes up with the weirdest excuses when he can’t.
On a number of occasions I have tried to sit him down and get out of him if he’s in trouble, but he keeps insisting that he’s “working on things and everything will be OK soon.” I want to be supportive, but I see the debt rising and number of lies piling higher. I am worried sick about him. Please help. — ANXIOUS MOM IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR MOM: Turn off the spigot. You have been your son’s “angel” long enough. A business that cannot support itself is a failure. That your son would abuse your generosity and compound it by lying to you is very sad. The way to stop this cycle is to remove him from your credit card and let the chips fall where they may. If he needs a business partner, it should not be you any longer.
TO MY READERS: Today’s the day for the wearing of the green! A very happy St. Patrick’s Day to you all. — LOVE, ABBY
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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