The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: My husband, “Will,” and I have been married three years. It’s a good marriage on most levels, but what causes most of our problems is the way he treats me. Will always assumes his way is correct. When I do something around the house, he comes up behind me and re-does it — including refolding the clothes. He even corrects the way I speak and pronounce words.
It has gotten to the point that I have shut down. I don’t do much of anything around the house anymore because I figure it’s a waste of my time. Will gets angry and makes fun of my “laziness.” How do I get through to him that some things aren’t worth making me feel miserable? When I try to explain how he makes me feel, he gets mad and pouts. — GETTING TIRED OF IT IN TEXAS
DEAR GETTING TIRED: From your description of your household, your relationship with your husband is NOT “good.” In fact, the way Will is treating you could be considered a form of abuse. By constantly belittling and correcting you, he is trying to assert control and shake your confidence in yourself.
A husband who pouts and makes you feel bad when you tell him he’s making you miserable is a poor life partner. He may be insecure, overbearing or have OCD. Or he could be a potential abuser. Insist on marriage counseling to find out which, or get out of there while you still can.
DEAR ABBY: My “Uncle Bernard” has a colorful personality. He has always been full of tall tales about his exploits and celebrity encounters.
About five years ago, my uncle announced that he had been awarded a Purple Heart. I know for a fact that Uncle Bernie was a member of the Merchant Marines on a ship that never left the Great Lakes. He also isn’t listed on the official Purple Heart recipient registry, which makes me wonder where he got the medal.
Uncle Bernie hasn’t been feeling well, so he has prepared his obituary, which notes that he was a recipient of the Purple Heart. He has also told us he wants the medal displayed at his funeral. I am aghast! I don’t think I’ll be able to grin and bear this one, Abby. He’s a fake, and I don’t want his children and church to be embarrassed. What he’s doing is wrong. What would YOU do? — BITING MY TONGUE FOR NOW
DEAR BITING: Uncle Bernie appears to be a fabulist, which is a polite term for liar. That he would masquerade as a war hero having never set foot in a war zone is disgusting. If I were in your situation I’d wait patiently until the time comes, then talk to his family about the potential embarrassment. When the obituary is published, reference to the medal should be omitted, and at the funeral the medal should not be displayed. Uncle Bernard won’t know the difference, trust me.
DEAR ABBY: Today I asked my wife of many years, “Do you still love me?” Her answer was, “At our age, there is friendship at most.”
I think that love has no age limit. Who is right? — LEON IN MARCO ISLAND, FLA.
DEAR LEON: You are. There is no age limit on love. Love is love, whether you’re a teenager or an octogenarian, and if you’re lucky, even older than that.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
