The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: My husband, “Evan,” and I have been together five years and were married 2 1/2 years ago. We’re both in our early 40s and have children from previous relationships. What I’ve noticed is that anytime there is something going on in his family, I constantly have to ask him for updates. He sometimes treats me like an outsider instead of a part of his family. An example: His 19-year-old son (my stepson) has alcohol and depression issues. If Evan gets updates, he’ll share a snippet or not even tell me at all — or he’ll comment that he’s worried about “his son” and then just shut down. He doesn’t want to discuss it, even though I’m worried, too. There have been other instances where I’m treated like an outsider when it comes to his family. I’ve talked to him before about how it makes me feel, but it continues. How can I help him see I’m a part of his family now, just as he is a part of mine? — MERGED IN MINNESOTA
DEAR MERGED: Not all partners are good communicators. Your mistake may be in trying to pump Evan for information. You are the boy’s stepmother and a full-fledged member of that family now. You might be more successful at getting sensitive information if you approach the young man yourself instead of waiting for a report from your husband.
DEAR ABBY: I’m a 72-year-old who has lost two wives to cancer. My last wife died two years ago, so I moved back to my birthplace to be closer to family. I met a wonderful 27-year-old woman on a dating site, and I have become smitten. I can see in her eyes that she feels the same way about me. Neither of us seems to care what other people think about the age difference. I guess my question is, am I a stupid old man for thinking about taking the next step and asking her to marry me? My family knows I’m dating a 27-year-old, and no one has said anything about it, but I have a feeling her parents might object to the age difference. I’m older than they are. I need an outside opinion so I know if I’m doing the right thing. — OVER THE MOON IN OHIO
DEAR OVER: Have you actually spent time with this young woman in person, or has most of your interaction with her been online? Because you are serious about this relationship, take more time before rushing back to the altar. Get to know her. Give her parents the opportunity to meet and get to know you as well. Then get engaged. If you slow down, you may avoid problems in the future.
DEAR ABBY: My wife of nearly 28 years and I have a long-running disagreement concerning the English language and how I answer her “negative” questions. For example, if we ARE going out and I am ready, she will usually ask, “Are we not leaving yet?” My response will be “No” because I am ready and waiting for her. My negative reply to her negative question results, in my mind, to a positive response. Please tell us who is correct. — FRUSTRATED IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR FRUSTRATED: The logic of your response is not the problem. Either way, deliberately irritating your wife is wrong.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
