The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: I’m struggling with my integrity and an important friendship. My friend “Beth’s” husband, “Jerry,” came to my house to help with a construction project. After discussing the project, we sat down to visit for a bit. He was very forward with me and overly affectionate. (It’s been 10 years since I’ve had any affection.) He also talked about how affection doesn’t have to “mean anything,” which I believe is true — to an extent. I told him it was inappropriate, but I didn’t stop either of us when Jerry kissed me before leaving.
Part of me was thrilled at being kissed again, even though I know it was wrong. I am sure that I won’t allow it to happen again. I’m afraid to contact him and deliver that message directly, because there’s a chance it wouldn’t be a private message. I couldn’t tolerate Beth knowing this happened. I treasure her friendship. I’ve no idea if Jerry said anything to her about what happened. I’m panicked that I may have lost a treasured friend. Advice? — AFRAID AND WORRIED
DEAR AFRAID: I do have some. If Jerry behaved this way with you, it is likely that he does this with other women who consult him about construction projects. I don’t think it is necessary for you to inform Beth about what happened, but seriously consider using another construction company for your repairs now and in the future. Jerry appears to be a classic cheater, and you are vulnerable after a long dry spell.
DEAR ABBY: My son, “Grant,” who is 37, is autistic. My ex-wife removed him from a group home five years ago and took him out of the country. I made a mistake years ago by allowing her to have guardianship. I tried to stop them from leaving. I have had zero communication with my ex or Grant in those five years.
My 40-year-old daughter, her three children and her husband live with me. I have another daughter, age 35, who lives independently. My daughters have been in constant communication with their mother. My ex comes to the U.S. once a year and meets with them.
Both daughters had difficult younger years because Grant was violent. I have a good relationship with both of them. But every time I ask about Grant, I receive angry responses. I wouldn’t be surprised if Grant is no longer alive. I realize I likely don’t have that many more years and may depart this world without knowing anything about him. I haven’t had a photo or a word. Is there anything I can do? — SAD FATHER IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR SAD FATHER: So your ex-wife and daughters have a code of silence regarding the whereabouts and welfare of your son. How cruel. Of course there’s something you can do. Pick up the phone, discuss this with your lawyer, and ask what information he or she can unearth about Grant. If necessary, hire a private detective to uncover where your ex took him and whether he’s still living. You have my sympathy.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
