The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: I met this guy at work and fell in love. We started going out, and he asked me to be his girlfriend. We moved in together pretty quickly, and I got pregnant. Three months later, I saw a text on his phone from a female co-worker. The first message said, “This is ‘Brianne'” and the second was work-related.
Everyone in the facility had to have his phone number, as his position required him to be called during the day. I know from others who worked there that Brianne had a crush on him. He deleted the first message that identified who it was from, but not the second one that was work-related. When I asked whose number it was, he lied and said he didn’t know. It led to a big argument, and he told me he lied because he didn’t want us to fight.
Eventually, we moved on to different jobs outside the company and got married. We have had no more issues in our relationship since then. It has been years, but I have never been able to completely trust him. I have tried to forget this but because of it, my trust in him is gone. Am I wrong for that? — CAN’T FORGET IN FLORIDA
DEAR CAN’T FORGET: I understand why you feel the way you do. Your boyfriend (now husband) shouldn’t have lied to you. However, you state that your marriage has been on an even keel since your baby was born. If you want a happier marriage, start talking about this with a licensed counselor and ask what it will take for you to regain your trust in your spouse. People who focus on looking backward instead of the path ahead have been known to trip themselves up.
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been dating on and off for five years. Two years ago, we got engaged but — for many reasons — broke things off a month before the wedding. A few months later, we started talking again and have since built a stronger relationship. Our love is probably a hundred times stronger now, and we are again talking about marriage. The problem is that we live two hours apart. Due to our careers, we see each other only about once a month. We tried counseling, but it was difficult to find a time that worked for both of us.
While we are crazy in love, I am very nervous. I don’t believe in living together prior to marriage for religious and cultural reasons. He has shared a home with prior girlfriends. We come from different cultures, there’s a 12-year age difference and we’ve spent more time apart than near each other. We are beyond amazing when we are together and when we go on mini-trips. Abby, is this normal? Am I having “cold feet”? What can I do to get over my anxiety? — NERVOUS IN LOVE
DEAR NERVOUS: It is important that you get to the root of what may be causing the anxiety you are experiencing. Some sessions on your own with a licensed counselor may help you to do that. I hope you will give it consideration.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
