The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: I am a man whose long-distance boyfriend of one year has a married female best friend. (She’s his boss.) She is also a tobacco-addicted narcissist who drinks a lot. They chat on the phone and text for hours every day because, as he puts it, “she can’t be alone.” I think she uses him to compensate for her insecurities. I also think she’s a bad influence on him.
We see each other only every other week because of the physical distance between us, and then only for a day and a half. Last weekend while I was there, she texted him and asked if we would come spend the evening and drink with her. I told him absolutely not! I am protective of our time together and have no desire to spend any time with her.
The closeness they share really bothers me. They have been friends for 20 years, but their relationship feels weirdly close to me. It’s almost like a pseudo romance. I don’t know what to do. I really love this man, but I often feel like a third wheel. We talk every night, and he mentions her every single night. I’m tired of it. When he mentions her name, I physically cringe.
I have tried talking to him about my feelings concerning this, but he isn’t interested in talking about it. He defends her adamantly. What should I do? — FEELING STUCK IN INDIANA
DEAR FEELING STUCK: Your boyfriend’s relationship with this woman predates the one he has with you by 19 years. If he was concerned about your feelings or about discussing their relationship, he would make some changes. My advice is to find another boyfriend who shows more consideration.
DEAR ABBY: My ex-partner has a dog, “Butch,” who is 9 years old. I lived with Butch for almost three years. Butch is a rescue who has some trauma from his earlier life. He’s shy and timid and doesn’t like children or vacuum cleaners.
I also have a dog who lived with me during the time we lived with Butch. Last year, while our house was being vacuumed by a housekeeper, Butch bit her on her calf. I was there along with my dog. I attended to the woman and made sure she was OK. I also put Butch in a separate room. When my partner came home, I told him what had happened, but he seemed unfazed.
Fast-forward six months: My partner and I have parted ways, and he decided to ditch Butch so he can travel and play pickleball with his new victim. He gave Butch to his niece, who has two small children, without disclosing the dog’s biting history. In fact, he told his family that MY dog bit the housekeeper, not Butch. I was present when the bite occurred, and he is lying.
I have told the family that I have “concerns” for the children and Butch’s fate should he bite again. His former owner will not own up to the truth. I would like your take on this ticking time bomb. — KNOWS THE TRUTH IN MICHIGAN
DEAR KNOWS: Contact your ex-boyfriend’s niece immediately and tell her that Butch presents a danger to her children. If she doesn’t believe you, offer to have the housekeeper who was bitten vouch for your honesty. As much as I like dogs, that one does not belong in a household with children.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
