The Shadow
DEAR ABBY: I am a 47-year-old male who is 20 days from being divorced. For the past three months, I have been dating a woman I’ve known for 26 years. We love each other and plan to be married. We have great times when we are together but struggle on the phone or with texting. I’m not sure why this is, but she says it’s because we need to be together all the time.
We generally see one another on weekends. She says she has a tough time and cries a lot when I’m not around. My question is, is this normal? If I don’t see her for two days, she gushes that she “missed me so much,” whereas I miss her, but it’s not a big deal to me. We aren’t married now so I’m not in that frame of mind until we are. What can we do? — NAVIGATING LOVE IN FLORIDA
DEAR NAVIGATING: What your lady friend is telling you may seem like a protestation of devotion, but it could instead be a red flag. Her discomfort at being apart could eventually become smothering. She’s obviously emotionally needy. Although you have discussed marriage, PLEASE be sure the two of you have premarital counseling before proposing anything more than a warm friendship.
DEAR ABBY: I have been a little sad lately. The reason is that my best friend is acting weird. It makes me wonder if our friendship is slowly going away. Throughout our friendship, we have always jokingly made fun of each other. Lately, it seems that anything I say makes it awkward, and she hasn’t been wanting to talk to me as often or acting the same way she did before. I’m afraid we are not going to be friends much longer, which scares me. How do I fix our friendship without asking for it upfront and without being weird? — HER BESTIE IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR BESTIE: You may be scared, but the only way you may be able to repair your friendship is to tell her how you are feeling. Because you sense she is distancing herself, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain by being honest. A way to start the conversation would be to ask if you may have offended her in some way with your jokes because, if you did, they weren’t intended to be hurtful.
DEAR ABBY: How does one overcome a fear of heights? I have had it from the time I was a little girl. There was a bridge I had to cross walking home from school. I had to look down at my feet to cross it.
I recently purchased a condominium on the 16th floor in a high-rise building. I love the view, but I’m too afraid to walk out on my balcony. How do I overcome this? — UP HIGH IN GEORGIA
DEAR UP HIGH: You are far from the only person who has a fear of heights. Consider installing some waist-high plants in front of the patio railing. This may allow you to enjoy your view without your knees wobbling. If you try this, DO NOT LOOK DIRECTLY DOWN. (I speak from experience.)
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
